Posted on 12/30/2011 9:11:00 AM PST by PJ-Comix
I can´t say that I´m a fan of Michael Jackson. I´m not particularly fond of his music nor do I agree with a lot of his lifestyle which best be left unmentioned. However, I do have to give Jackson credit for bringing us an incredible innovation...Moonwalking. And it was Moonwalking, or at least the drunken version of it, that made yours truly a big hit at a mountain resort wedding party on Wednesday. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let us drop back a few hours from your humble correspondent´s drunken Moonwalk to our arrival at the resort.
We arrived late in the morning at the resort. The fascinating thing about the resort building is that it belongs entirely to my wife´s family. Built less than a year ago, the purpose is for family parties and meetings. It has three levels and is built of brick and is waaaay up a country mountainside with many nearby grazing cows. It even has images there based on my wife´s family last name.
On Wednesday, the brother of my wife´s sister´s husband, was getting married in a religious ceremony after 17 years of marriage via civil ceremony. The priest, Padre Roberto Garcia, made humorous reference to this when in the middle of performing the wedding noted that the two had been together for 17 years and asked if they needed a little more time to think it over which elicited loud laughter from the crowd. The priest´s timing was perfect and after the ceremony I mentioned to him in Spanish that his comedic remarks (he made the crowd laugh several times) were the perfect touch.
Oops! Perhaps something was lost in the translation of my imperfect Spanish because the good Father did NOT smile in response. I didn´t want to leave him with a bad impression so I attempted a different approach but flopped again. For this I take full responsibility and place the blame squarely on the shoulders of my DUmmie FUnnies co-conspirator, Pastor Charles Henrickson despite the fact that he was about 3000 miles away and had absolutely no idea of this encounter. See, I tried to sooth the Father by telling him about Lutheran Pastor Charles Henrickson who is noted for his hilarious parody songs and said his comedy reminded me a bit of Pastor Charles. Again, no smiles from the father. It could have been my imperfect Spanish again or the fact that since Venezuela is overwhelmingingly Roman Catholic (more so than any other country in the Americas) that any sort of comparison to a LUTHERAN Pastor might not appreciated.
At this point, let us take a break with a question. Be honest. Do most of us feel completely comfortable around any member of the cloth regardless of denomination? Don´t lie to me and answer in the positive because if that were true it would mean you would be just as comfortable telling the same off-color jokes to them as you do to your friends. And at the moment I was feeling really uncomfortable especially since Father Roberto kept staring at me with unblinking eyes that seemed to be saying ¨WTF¨ except in a milder way. Of course, he could have been staring at me because I appeared to be from another planet, which in a way I was. So far my entire visit I haven´t spotted another ¨gringo¨ American. And believe me, you could spot us from a mile away. Part of it is the clothes but also mannerisms even down to the way we walk which we don´t notice except when we are in a foreign land. Then there is the matter of facial hair. Full beards such as I have are rare here. I only spotted a couple of men sporting full beards although I have seen several government officials on the Tube with them.
Anyway, back to the dilemma I was facing. I felt like I was carrying the flag and wanted to leave a good impression of not only myself but Americans in general with Father Roberto. So what to do? Can you guess? We were at a wedding reception party surrounded by lots of liquor so the answer was right before me: Hit the sauce hard to loosen up which is exactly what I did. After a few minutes when I felt a good buzz going I wasn´t even too put off when the woman next to the Father asked me if I believe in God. Normally I avoid talking religion because of that old dictum to avoid that topic if you want to avoid arguments. However, the sauce had me loosened up enough to give an answer which I thought might avoid specifics and be thought provoking as well as get a plug in for what I consider to be one of the best TV documentaries ever, ¨Fabric of the Universe¨ (guess who underwrote that series?). I told both of them that according to Brian Greene, if the force of gravity were just either the tiniest fraction greater or less the Universe wouldn´t exist. Okay, that answer didn´t completely satisfy them but, hey, I avoided specifics and, more importantly, arguments.
Then the Father surprised me by asking me about politics...specifically what I thought about Hugo Chavez. This made me more confortable than the religious questions but I explained that since I was a visitor to their country, I didn´t feel right about commenting on local politics. At that point my wife cut in and explained in general what I had written on the Web about the situation here and the Father got a lot friendlier. After that things were kewl since I had no problem talking about the situation in the USA. He also answered questions I had about the Venezuelan culture and if he had met Pope John Paul II (he had). So bottom line we parted as friends thanx in large part to me getting loosened up by the sauce which, interestingly, also helped me with my fluency in Spanish.
Now to the Moonwalking. After Father Roberto left (I gave him the DUmmie FUnnies URL) I went from a state of pleasant buzz to one of happy borracho to the extent that I introduced the wedding party to Moonwalking. One thing, I would like an episode of Mythbusters to investigate if Michael Jackson waxed the soles of his shoes to help him achieve the Moonwalk effect. I was able to do it mainly because the soles of my shoes were fairly smooth but it was difficult.
After my first Moonwalk dance to the music EVERY woman at the party wanted to dance with this strange ¨gringo.¨ I kid you not. At one point I was even dancing with 6 Venezuelan women at the same time. Okay, it might have been 5 women because there was a good chance I was seeing one of them double. They also taught me how to dance low in the Venezuelan style. Oh, how I wished I could have replicated that Russian dance where you are crouched low with legs kicking out. I actually was able to do it ONE TIME years ago when I was also in a state of deep borracho but have never been able to replicate it for some reason although could you have imagned the reaction at the party if I had?
After I did drunken impressions of an overconfident sky diver, a singing chicken, and a hungry frog, my wife called me upstairs to a private room to read me the riot act. She demanded that I drink not a drop more. I put on the most sincere face that un persona borracho can achieve and LIED LIKE HELL by promising to drink no more. My wife told me to remain upstairs until I sobered up a bit more. I took that opportunity to walk out on the porch and wave my hat to the partiers below who were all screaming for me to come back down. I then told my wife that I didn´t really want to return to the party but the folks demanded it.
I returned to the party and sort of placated my wife by dancing mainly with her and by drinking only on the sly. Unfortunately the sauce was making me do strange things...like telling the singing DJ I had an important announcement. So I took the mike and told the crowd that El Grito de Mexico was impossible to achieve by non-Mexicans UNLESS you were a certain drunken American. This is true because I once won an El Grito contest which sounds kind of like ¨EEEEEE-HAAAAAAAA!!!¨ followed by something that sounds like a laughing coyote. DJ wasn´t too happy about me cutting into his act but the crowd seemed to enjoy it. Even worse I cut in on the DJ´s girlfriend who was also singing. I knew he was upset so I tried to get the DJ to laugh by following him around like I was Jerry Lewis to his singing Dean Martin which he also didn´t like but the crowd kept egging me on so while he sung a romantic song, I performed a tango...with a chair.
At this point my wife was back to a state of boiling rage so ol´PJ figured he better beat a hasty retreat from his public performances and sat down next to the wifey. Unfortunately two of the hottest chicks at the party were also sitting next to me and with the sauce talking, I asked them if they could swim which both answered in the affirmative. ¨Muy bien,¨ I replied since I plan to someday sail the Caribbean with an all-girl crew and since my wife unfortunately can´t swim a stroke I wouldn´t be able to take her along.
That is when party time for ´Ol PJ ended and my wife angrily shoved me in the direction of the car that took us home. I don´t remember much more than that except that there would be hell to pay the next morning in terms of both a hangover and an angry wife. Well, much to my pleasant surprise, I woke up the next morning without the slightest hint of a hangover and my wife, despite being less than happy with me, wasn´t too angry. After all I was drunk and wasn´t really responsible for my actions.
But, between just me and you, sailing the Caribbean with an all-girl crew is one hell of a great idea. Who says you can´t be truly inspired while drunk?
FYI
I forgive you (even though you are thousands of miles away) for getting me off to a rocky start with Father Roberto.
“...the fact that since Venezuela is overwhelmingingly Roman Catholic...”
They have the same problem that we have here. Overwhelmingly, people claim to be Christian and yet, for a huge number of those, it is “in name only.”
It´s not ¨in name only¨ in Venezuela. My observation is that most people here are sincerely devout...but they do love to have a great time as evidenced by all the celebrations.
Not familiar with that movie.
Anybody who is fond of the mountains of northern Italy would love it here. Similar ambience although the vegetation is more tropical. Plus VERY inexpensive. Things will improve markedly here in a few months.
Did you get the liquor with coupons, PJ?
!HAPPY NEW YEAR!! PJ, I hope your vacation continues well and you have a memorable time. Charles & Cletus, may 2012 be a happy and prosperous year for you. The same for all FReepers.
My wife and I plan a quiet evening at home (as usual...never went out in our 31 years), with snacks, a fine roast, potatoes and fresh asparagus, and a fine bourbon for me, Kahlua & creme for the wife. No, not staying up for 12 a.m. Sunday we finish taking down the decorations. And watch the Packers, of course... !!GO PACK!!
They don´t use coupons here but Walmart has a coupon right now for a big chunk of beef...FREE!
I just noticed that the beef coupons are good ONLY at Walmarts in Central Florida.
You sure you don´t want me to teach you how to Moonwalk or do the tango with a chair?
Thanks for the ping!
Your description of the social life there in San Cristobal sounds alot like Cabo San Lucas. Party for whatever excuse you can find...
I wouldn’t survive it, PJ. But thanks for the thought :>
If you had been here any night for the past week you would have sworn it was New Year´s Eve. People out in the street, music everywhere, and lots of fireworks. Tonight is the real New Year´s Eve so it will be interesting to see the celebrations.
You left out the important part....... are there any Bromeliads on the resort property?
Are you talking about pineapples? Pineapples are available everywhere from street vendors as are most of the tropical fruits. Also coco frio and sugar cane juice and a very tasty juice I had yesterday purple in color called Moro. One thing the pineapples here are very sweet and seem to be lacking acidity.
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