Dealing with gay family member situation (vanity)

[AUJenn]

We have a close family member who decided a few years ago that she was gay. I say 'decided' because up until then, she had always dated men and was actually about to get married. It came as a huge shock to everyone and has taken a while to get used to. She has had the same partner since she announced her lifestyle change. It has been difficult for me and other family members to accept and get used to their living arrangements, lifestyle, etc, especially on holidays. But as time has gone on, I have accepted this is how she is going to live and there is nothing I can do about it. But I don't like it.

I have always been polite and cordial because I see no sense in being rude or hostile. And if I were hateful, it would just give conservatives/Christians a bad name IMO, and would add fuel to their fire. That being said....she has announced that she and her partner are having a baby. The partner is pregnant. This has really thrown us for a loop, as we never expected this to happen.

It so happens that I have a small child and am expecting again, so it really makes me think. I am completely against their doing this. But I have no idea how to publicly act or respond to this situation - especially at upcoming family holiday events. I don't feel like happily telling them 'congratulations!' or talking about baby things. I think about how this poor kid is going to feel about his/her parent situation, or how I'm going to explain to my children why this baby 'has two moms' and on and on.

If anyone has a gay family member or has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thank you -

[Albion Wilde]

"But none of that makes me believe that homosexual behavior is a good thing for the individual or for society..."

I never said it was good. I am not happy to be in this position. I simply cannot change certain things, and I am left with either accepting the situation, or rejecting it. It cannot be put simpler. You can wax philosophically using phrases like "options" and "choices" that make it sound like what to choose for dessert in a cafeteria line. You don't show a depth of comprehension when you talk like that. Also, "homosexual" and "behavior" need to be separated here. What One is, and what One does are two different things. One does not have to be homosexual to have bad behavior. I would postulate that you refuse to see things for what they are, and that is your choice. But it does not reflect reality in my opinion.

I am comfortable with my position, and you seem to be comfortable with yours.

If you were comfortable with your position, methinks you would not need to disparage me with your sneering "Obviously...follow the conversation...you don't show a depth of comprehension...you refuse to see things for what they are" sort of remarks.

If you were comfortable with your position, would you have led off your reply with "I am not happy to be in this position."? Which is it?

For what it's worth, I have an Ivy graduate degree and my field of intense concentration was this trend of the deinstitutionalization of marriage in constitutional law, which I entered thinking I was in complete support of -- women, gays etc should have a smorgasbord of new rights and throw off the oppressive patriarchy, etc.

But actually reading not only the law but also the creation and thinking behind the law, as well as yards and yards of social science regarding human sexuality, I was forced to conclude that the Christian model of "one man, one woman" in marriage (and that kind of marriage as the building block of Western civilization) is the single best option for society, for children and for individuals -- even those individuals with reproductive disorders such as same-sex attraction, unresolved trauma from abuse or other situations that make marriage a near-impossibility.

Certainly a choice of "spiritual vocation" such as "husband", "wife" or "celebate" is not remotely comparable to a choice in the cafeteria line. But to scoff at the notion that choice is what all adults must do regarding sex every day of their lives is naive. One would have to assume that homosexual attraction is so very much more compelling than the attraction between other forms of illegitimate expression, such as the attraction between those who would be adulterers if they acted on it, the attraction between randy teenagers who would ruin their lives with an unintended pregnancy or the attraction felt by pederasts towards their victims. There are many types of attractions that must be resisted morally and spiritually, not elevated to the level of "not even God can change this one."

[DollyCali]

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