I’m with you, Mom. My 27 year old son lives with me. He can’t find a good job. He unloads trucks on the night shift. Sometimes his shift is 19 hours long. He has dinner ready on his days off. It wouldn’t occur to me to do his laundry and it wouldn’t occur to him to expect it. He’s good with guns, which helps me to sleep soundly at night. He believes in close family ties.
You are the perfect example of why it works when there are rules. Your son obviously is busting his hump (unloading trucks and long shifts). He is helping with the chores and doing his own laundry. There is nothing wrong with close family ties. It makes us a lot stronger IMHO.