Posted on 08/06/2011 6:55:25 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets
In a series of dramatic midnight raids, Treasury Department SWAT teams, assisted by New York City Police Department’s Thought Crimes Squad, staged daring late night raids on the offices of bond rating agency Standard and Poors’ New York offices, as well as the homes of the firm’s executives in Larchmont, New York and Greenwich, Connecticut and other tony New York suburban settings. The agents were looking for signs that S&P’s recent downgrade of U.S. Debt was influenced by executives membership in the Tea Party, the Republican Party, membership in country clubs, conservative Christian or Jewish congregations, or other subversive and radical organizations. Top executives of the firms, along with their wives and children and the firms bond analysts were taken into custody and held incommunicado without bail or contact with their lawyers. A team of economic experts from the Treasury Department, not unlike a prize crew on a captured enemy vessel, has been installed to lead the company until it is straightened out, a Treasury Department spokesman informed reporters .
Attorney-General Holder indicated that they would be taken to the U.S. Naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and held with other terrorists, until the government decided what to do with them. He did not indicate how long that might take, but said that people like this have no right to the protections of U.S. Courts, which the Constitution reserves solely for the victims of U.S. Government actions, like foreign terrorists or people who chase whites away from polling places.
When pressed for the reason for NYPD involvement, Mayor Bloomberg responded by saying, “Although it is not illegal to be a Republican or a conservative Jew it damn well ought to be, and that’s good enough for me to act. If you let people downgrade U.S. debt, next thing you know they’ll question Global Warming or serve their guests transfat, or in some extreme cases, even light up a Lucky.” Although Treasury Secretary Geithner was unavailable for comment, a spokesperson for the admitted tax cheat said, “We are just trying to send a message to Moodys and other bond rating agencies out there to watch themselves.” Asked to explain, he declined to give further details, adding only that “It’s a nice little bond rating agency you got there, shame if something was to happen to it.”
Foreign response was overwhelmingly positive. President Chavez of Venezuela sent President Obama a congratulatory message and said that he had ordered the Roman Catholic Cardinal of his country to say a Mass of Celebration to honor President Obama’s courage and decisiveness. Jacque Toutite, the head of the European Union’s standing committee on economic matters, praised President Obama’s decisiveness and foresight, saying, “The United States can now look forward to the kind of stable, sustainable economic future which we Europeans take for granted. Now, if only you were not so uptight about sex with minors and hotel maids, I might consider visiting the U.S. sometime.” Chinese President Hu Jintao declined to comment on the President’s actions, except to say, “They were asking for it. What took you so long?” German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s office issued a statement saying “The President’s action were completely consistent with our expectations and confirm our views of President Obama’s economic savvy and intellectual depth.”
New York Times gossip columnist Paul Krugman also praised the President’s action and said that this would get the U.S. “moving in the right direction”. Krugman pointed out that occasionally, one had to crack a few eggs. Another New York Times columnist, Thomas Friedman, also applauded the President’s actions, saying he was finally acting like the democratically elected dictator that he was.
Repeated calls to the offices of John Boehner, Eric Cantor and other Republican leaders went unanswered, with a message that the lines were permanently out of service. Fox News is apparently off the air for some reason, as is CNN and CNBC, with MSNBC playing on the channels previously assigned to these networks, as is all locally originated broadcasting. In fact, every television channel is current playing either MTV, BET or MSNBC. When a reporter called the popular golfer, Rush Limbaugh, for comment, he said “This is the first I heard about, but if true ARRRGGGG!” before hanging up the line.
Good Sarcastic wit. This is almost believable.
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http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2759531/posts
Police raid Milan offices of Moody’s and Standard & Poor’s
08/05/2011 4:51:12 AM PDT · by No One Special · 2 replies
The Guardian ^ | August 4, 2011 | John Hooper
Chief prosecutor of Trani conducts investigation into whether the two rating agencies abide by regulations As stock and bond markets across the world tumbled on fears about Italy and Spain, it emerged that police acting on orders from prosecutors had raided the Milan offices of rating agencies Moody’s and Standard & Poor’s as part of continuing investigations into their role in the recent financial turmoil.
LOL, you had me until “influenced by executives membership in the Tea Party,”
Many a true word spoken in jest......
C’mon man. I only read to here “influenced by executives membership in the Tea Party,” didn’t take long.
I’ll bet you are a stickler for spelling as well.
the Italian article is real.
Texas Fossil in #17 is right!
the real stuff is too close to make the satire even funny.
I was going to post this on my FaceBook page, along with the great cartoon -— WITH permission, of course, if y’all will allow it. But, the link just goes back to the FreeRepublic Forum???
Ripped from the headlines: http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/90056267?Italian%20authorities%20raid%20Milan%20offices%20of%20S%26P%2C%20Moody%26%23146%3Bs
I’m not really just making this stuff up.
Help yourself on my part.
yep. that’s what Texas Fossil and me said in 17 and 21...
A satire alert would have been nice.
You're scaring me, man. You didn't find the New York Police Department's Thought Crime Squad a little questionable?
>>>A satire alert would have been nice.
The “Treasury Department SWAT teams, assisted by New York City Police Department’s Thought Crimes Squad” from the first sentence wasn’t a clue for you? Those things don’t exist... yet. :)
Yes, the whole thing was a clue to me, What wasn’t a clue was the title and clicking on the article before reading any of it. Had he marked it Satire I would not have read it at all thereby using my time to read REAL articles. While I see no harm in posting such fake articles, I do think they should be clearly marked in the title as Satire.
Whoever controls the present controls the past.
Whoever controls the past controls the future.
It amazed me how in that first year, the Obama Administration changed the rules as to how unemployment is calculated, and then applied those rule changes retroactively for the last 18 months of the Bush Presidency. The official unemployment history was altered in that Bush's numbers were adjusted upward, making it appear that rising unemployment actually occurred during the Bush years and not during 2009.
Soviet historians could unerringly foresee the ineluctable future, but could never predict the ever changing past.
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