LOL. And that's just the good news. (I grew up in TX.)
Hell & Texas
The Devil, we're told, in Hell was chained,
for a thousand years to there remain;
He never complained nor did he groan,
But determined to start another Hell of his own.
Where He could torment the souls of men
without be chained in his prison pen.
So he asked the Lord if He had on hand
anything left when he made the land.
The Lord said,"Yeah, I had plenty on hand and left it all down by the Rio Grande....
Fact is, old boy, the stuff's so dang poor,
I don't think you could use it as Hell anyore......
But the devil went down to examine the truck,
And decided since it came as a gift he was stuck....
For after checking it out carefully and well
He concluded the place was too dry for a hell.
Well, in order to get it off His hands,
The Lord promised the devil to water the lands....
For He had some water, or rather some dreggs,
A regular cathartic that smelled like bad eggs.
Hence the deal was done and the deed was given....
And The Lord went back to His Home in Heaven.
The devil then said, "I have all that is needed to make Texas a good hell," and hence he succeeded!
He began to put thorns on all of the trees,
And mixed up the sand with millions of fleas....
And scattered tarantulas along all the roads....
And put thorns on the cactus and horns on the toads.
He lengthened the horns of the Texas steers,
And put added length on the rabbits ears.....
He put some devil in the broncho steed.....
And poisoned the feet of the centipede.
The rattlesnake bites you, the scorpion stings,
The mosquito delights you with his buzzing wings...
The sand burrs prevail and so do the ants,
And those who sit down need shoe soles on their pants....
The devil then said that throughout the land
He'd managed to keep up the devil's own brand,
And all would be mavericks unless they bore
The marks of scratches and bites and thorns by the score.
The heat in the summer is a hundred and ten....
Too hot for the devil and too hot for men.
The wild boar roams in the high chaparral......
It's A Hell of a Place he has for a Hell!
And FLIES! My land, you've never seen such flies, especially around Ft Worth and Austin.
Ft Worth has the stockyards. Guess liberals attract them around Austin.