Posted on 05/20/2011 8:31:24 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
I’m not going to lie to you guys but doing this research was less fun and more confusing. Confusing because most of the infallible proof that they had revolved around numbers. Numbers, it seems to me, that were just made up to prove fact. Essentially it’s around the same logic as this:
My name has five letters.
There are four seasons.
5-4=1
1 is the purest number.
Therefore I am the second coming of Christ.
Alright, it might not be that crazy, but it’s almost there. And keep your panties on people, I do not believe that I’m the second coming of Christ. Although I do think that turning water into wine would be awesome. Would it be a fine full bodied Merlot or a crisp Riesling?
Alright, so the actual numbers. Keep in mind the numbers that they start off with are all kind of made up- they argue that they got these numbers because God wanted them to receive them around now. 7! Oh sorry, did I startle you? God was just sending me a number.
According to the ambassadors, they have discovered that the great flood that Noah had to deal with was 4990 B.C. In the Bible it also said that God told Noah that he had seven days before the great flood.
Elsewhere in the Bible (2 Peter 3:8) one day to God equals 7000 years to us. Which was really the whole defense of the Scopes trial and led to some sweet monologin’ in Inherit the Wind.
OK, so 7000 years after 4990 B.C. is 2011. Then if you add in the leap years and what not it rounds up to May 21st, 2011. Or something.
So their other proof is going up from the exact date of the crucifixtion, which according to them is April 1st, 33 A.D. Was that the first April Fools Day joke? ‘Cause in that case, April Fools should technically be April 3rd, because everyone was all like “Christ is dead!” and then He was all like “No I ain’t B*tches! April Fools!” I don’t care if you just found that blasphemous. Jesus Christ playing pranks is hilarious. "You're blind! April Fools! Now you can see! LOLz, guys!"
Back to the numbers. After April 1st, 33 A.D. there are 722,500 days until May 21st. Why is the number 722,500 important? It isn’t! Yay arbitration!
To the folks at Family Radio, the number 722,500 is represented by the equation 5x10x17x5x10x17, which are symbolic numbers. 5 means atonement, 10 means completeness and 17 means heaven. And then you do that twice? Hey, why not!
Then there’s the theory that between April 1st, 33 A.D. and April 1st 2011 is 1,978 years. Then you multiply that by the number of days in a solar year (365.2422 days) and then add 51 days (because that’s how many days are between April 1st and May 21st) and you get 722,500. INDISPUTABLE EVIDENCE, PEOPLE!
So anyway, that's the proof that the Bible tells you. In any case, there's still a chance we're all doomed on Saturday (or at least 2012 for that matter - it's totally going to happen). So there's only one question left to ask.
What would you listen to as humanity came to an end? Hard rock? Classical? Something on the lighter side?
Here's a list of ideas (list yours below):
1. Tchaikovsky, 1812 Overture (Finale)
2. R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World
3. Paula Cole - I Don't Want To Wait (Dawson's Creek Opening Titles)
4. Europe - The Final Countdown
5. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Death Is Not The End
6. Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing (From Armageddon)
7. Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
8. Metallica - Four Horsemen
9. The Doors - The End
10. Van Halen - Runnin' With The Devil
11. AC/DC- Highway To Hell Music
12. Skeeter Davis - The End Of The World
13. U2 - Until The End Of The World
14. Muse - Apocalypse Please
15. Elvis Costello - Waiting For The End Of The World
16. Morrissey - Everyday Is Like Sunday
17. Talking Heads - Nothin' But Flowers
18. Bright Eyes - Four Winds
19. Prince - 1999
20. The Clash - London Calling
21. Britney Spears - Till The World Ends
I’d reply but I’m deep in my super secret deeeeeep underground bunker in the back yard and my computer cable won’t reach the surface.
Breaking news: WORLD ENDS at 6:00, film at 11:00
Washington Post headline: “World ends, women and minorities hit hardest”
Actual Headlines
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Stud Tires Out
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Eye Drops off Shelf
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Deer Kill 17,000
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Air Head Fired
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Include your Children when Baking Cookies
There will be rumors of war,floods,earthquakes,calamities these are the birth pangs
The times are bad. But sadly we have not seen anything yet.
If the AC makes a appearance soon a near future date is ‘soon’ but not anyone’s to guess.
Paradise by the Dashboard lights
Meatloaf
Thank you CPO...the laughs generated from this list has really cheered me up considering we are all going to die tomorrow...:-)
Your post reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in all of moviedom:
Varm milk, perhaps?
Not too soon. I´d like to sleep in.
6 p.m.? Great—the rush hour won’t be so bad in New York and New Jersey.
There’s a knock at the door.
The bloke goes and opens it and there’s 2 police men standing there and one holds up a picture of a woman.
“Is this your wife sir?”
The bloke say’s “Yes, that’s her”
“We’re sorry sir but it looks like she’s been hit by a bus”
“Yes I know, but she’s got a wonderful personality”
_____
Best Cop Contest
In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the
President narrowed the field to three finalists, the CIA, the FBI, and
the Chicago Police Dept. The three remaining contenders were given the
task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.
The FBI went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They
questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive
investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The CIA went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they
burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no
apologies. The rabbit deserved it.
The Chicago Police went into the forest. They came out two hours later
with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling “Okay, Okay, I’m a friggin’
rabbit, I’m a friggin’ rabbit!”
_____
That’s good, did you just make that up?
Ovaltine?
underwear man does not look happy.
I do like puns, though.
Wouldn’t it just be wild, a real kick in the head if the world really did come to an end?
I mean, just imagine the possibilities? Cubs could WIN the World Series???
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