Posted on 05/13/2011 6:57:48 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
IBTP!!
Hello
IBTP! 3!
IBTP
TOP 10!
IBTP too!
IATP
Kid science from teachers
~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
~ Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
~ Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
~ Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
~ Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
~ The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.
~ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
~ Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.
~ The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.
~ The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
~ A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
~ The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
~ A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
~ Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
~ Liter: A nest of young puppies.
~ Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
~ Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
~ Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
~ Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
~ Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.
~ Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
~ To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
~ For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
~ For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
~ For head cold use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
~ To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
( Now why didn’t we think of that!)
TOP TEN!!! ( I hope I made It).
Bump tagga-bump...
It's pretty hard to argue with that.
Yea! Dontcha just hate it when Friday the 13th falls an another day of the week?
When I was a kid I always liked it when Halloween was on Friday the 13th.
I think President Bush actually knows how to spell and how not to spell the word "rallies." Apostrophes can be your friends, but only when you learn how and when to use them and not use them.
Whenever I think quips like these can’t possibly be real, I remember this answer to a community college history exam. My friend, who teaches History at the school, had asked the students to list events that caused the First World War. One student wrote: “Somebody shot the Duck and Duckess of Austria.”
Donkey
Barrack Obama was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo.
Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Obama says to the chauffeur: ‘You get out and check, you were driving.’
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
‘You were driving; go and tell the farmer,’ says Obama.
Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
‘My god, what happened to you?’ asks Obama.
The chauffeur replies: ‘When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.’
‘What on earth did you say to them?’ asks Obama.
‘I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them, ‘I’m Barrack Obama’s chauffeur and I’ve just killed the jackass.
_____
A woman is sitting on the veranda with her husband and she says,
“I love you.”
He asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
She replies, “It’s me............. talking to the wine.”
_____
Page one, above the fold bump!
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