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“Phonetic Hymn Title”

Many hymnals have a hymn called “Gladly the Cross I’d Bear.”

It seems that one week when the church secretary was typing the Sunday bulletin, she asked the pastor which hymn would come just before the sermon. He replied with the above-mentioned hymn.

The following Sunday the bulletin read:

Hymn No. 134: “Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear.”

Mary Poppins Room Service

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

“Certainly, madam,” he replied courteously.

“Is the restaurant open still?” inquired Mary.

“Sorry, no,” came the reply, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?”

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. “Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese, please,” said Mary.

“Certainly, madam,” he replied.

“And may I have breakfast in bed?” asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. “In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please,” Mary mused.

After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room. The night passed uneventfully. The next morning, Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still at the desk.

“Morning, madam. Sleep well?”

“Yes, thank you,” Mary replied.

“Food to your liking?”

“Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional
— I don’t think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though; they really weren’t that nice at all,” replied Mary truthfully.

“Oh. Well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our guest comments book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion,” said the receptionist.

“Ok, I will. Thanks!” replied Mary. She then checked out, paused awhile, and scribbled a comment into the book.
Waving, she left to continue her journey.

Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written. Here it is:

“Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!’’

“Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.”
~ Mark Twain

Quote

“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.”
~ Herbert Henry Asquith

Illustration - “Warning Signs”

One October, my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington’s Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on.

Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: “Ice 10 miles.”

Five miles farther on, there was another sign: “Ice 5 miles.”

The next one was, “Ice 1/2 mile.”

We practically crept that half-mile.

When we came to the last sign it was outside a small grocery, and it read, “Ice 75 cents.”