Like you said Hospice has its place...many family's cannot not deal with the type's of care someone needs. Or for some there is no family to care for them...Like with my mother, being a nurse was the only way I was able to care for all her needs. Indwelling catheter, paralysis from the waist down, incision breaking open from the cancer etc. etc. At one point having to replace her catheter because of blockage. Many things can come up near the end that makes it hard to homecare and some people do not want to put their loved one's through that.
Those that can care at home, I find most do it. I had seen in my time working at the hospital, familys that choose not to care for their parent. It's sad but I don't judge them, I don't know what kind of a life they led.
With some people they are not aware of all that is available to them for home care also...I had a hospital bed, special alternating air mattress to help in not getting bed sores, the lab came out once a week to check her blood platelets to see if she could start another round of chemo, there is also for bedridden, a physical therapist available to come in and give range of motion to all joints and help to keep muscles from atrophying. Most of this was paid for my her medicare, but I don't know if it still would be.
She also was 67 when she passed, my father was 85 (or 86) not too sure which, he had acute leukemia..sent into the hospital for the removal of a cancer in his transverse colon and the lab work pre-op picked up a problem that turned out to be the leukemia.
My Mom stayed at home and Dad took care of her (we lived 10 hours away, so while we visited as often as possible, unfortunately I was not there to help all the time. In hindsight, if I had realized how little time she had I would have taken a longer leave of absence and stayed instead of going back home).
Anyway, she had good insurance, and I guess by that time Medicare. Dad took excellent care of her, even tho toward the end she was not mobile. He got her a hospital bed and made sure she was turned regularly, kept clean and comfortable. I think they had a visiting nurse of some sort, but I do remember he complained at one point that sometimes they didn’t show up when they were supposed to. I think it was difficult getting help, but he was determined to keep Mom at home because it was what she wanted.
My Father in Law also cared for my Mother in Law with Alzheimers at home for about 8 years, until he died suddenly of a heart attack. They also had someone who came in a couple of times a week to do a few things, but mostly he did it all. Fortunately she was compliant mostly, and not mobile. It’s not something everyone can do. She died 27 hours after he did.
My wish is to not go to a nursing home, however I trust my husband and my children to make the best decision for me. I don’t want the government doing it. I feel sorry for people who don’t have people in their lives they can trust their life with. What is it they say, raise your kids right, they will be choosing your nursing home? All of mine know exactly how I feel about all of these things and I have no doubt they will respect my wishes. It doesn’t hurt that they all know they will see me again afterwards. ;)