Posted on 04/16/2011 7:33:22 PM PDT by TheDingoAteMyBaby
A coworker came back from a trip to the coffee shop steaming mad. Here's Sarah's story:
I'm meeting my husband at Starbucks today for a quick coffee and while in line I smile and coo at a 5-month-old boy in line ahead of me who was with his father and brother, a toddler.
When I get to the concession stand I hear the baby start to make those familiar hunger sounds, that “eh eh eh” sound I know all too well because I have a 4-month-old and 2-year-old.
By the time I am mixing my fifth sugar packet into the coffee the baby is crying. I turn to see that the father is done mixing his own drink well and he is in business discussion with an associate. He’s holding his happy toddler but not even acknowledging the crying baby in the stroller.
I sit down with my husband and the cry escalates to a blood-curdling scream. As a mom I can’t stand to hear the cry. All I can think about is walking over and swooping the baby into my arms. My husband is even wincing, not because the scream is painful but because we know it could have been prevented if the dad was just paying attention.
A man sitting beside us hears what we're talking about it so he joins in. He tells us he is thinking of calling the police because he’s not sure what else will break the father’s attention from his conversation. He says this loudly, hoping the father will hear. He doesn’t.
My husband suggests I do something, so I walk over to offer help. I ask if the baby needs food. The dad takes me up on the offer by handing me his toddler and he starts to make a bottle for the baby. As he does this he continues his conversation with his associate and is distracted so much that even when he’s done making the bottle he doesn’t give it to the baby.
His associate steps in, picks up the bottle and says “are we going to do this?”
The father gives the baby a couple sucks at it, but then takes the bottle away because he decides he doesn’t want to feed him at Starbucks and says to the baby: “You’re not going to like this but let’s go upstairs.”
I hand the toddler back and watch them leave as the baby begins to scream again. I hope he didn’t have to wait much longer, poor thing.
Scenes like this drive me crazy and I’ve witnessed it way too often. An infant cries to communicate and that's even a last resort communication. If you pay attention, infants give you clues as to what they need before the crying begins. Letting a baby cry that long just teaches them that crying is the only form of communication that works and as a result you just get more crying.
In my opinion an infant does not cry to manipulate and it certainly isn’t spoiling to respond to her needs. It’s not the same as when my 2-year-old cries because I won’t let her have ice cream for breakfast.
Anyone have any thoughts about attachment parenting vs. the let-them-cry-it-out approach?
“Okay, so what did you do?”
Be patient, my friend, comfort if you can, give yourself a break if you need it.
He is probably colic-y. Which, I don’t think there is a cure.
He will not stay 3, 4, 5 months forever.
This too shall pass.
I advocate a healthy balance.
Hold your baby. It won’t kill them or kill you. You will bond. If you are both happy, it is well.
If you need a break, take one, of course making sure baby is safe. Don’t let them cry overlong, but, they can cry once in a while for a while.
I don’t think you can spoil them too easily. You are building a relationship. You can pretty much tell what is working and what is not.
Maybe test the child for Celiac Disease....which simply means remove all Glutten from his diet.. My son was as this but was not until two years ago, as an adult, we learned he has Celiac Disease. In Europe all babies are tested for this.
4 months is a bit young to attempt to teach a kid they don't run the world. Sitting in a coffee shop is not a reason to ignore hunger in an infant. Driving a car until you can stop is another story. If he always ignores true needs the kid will get his attention down the road.
There's a very good genetic (DNA) test developed and used in Scandinavia, but it has a lot of false positives.
Here's your clue ~ you feed the baby cream of wheat ~ stuff happens within half an hour ~ and you'll know what.
Cream of rice will not have the same effect.
Once you are aware the kid has a problem, you should be able to head off "failure to thrive".
>>>5 packets of sugar? 1 cup of coffee? How utterly strange.
This was Starbucks. Got to distract oneself the burnt taste with something.
nonsense, when do you suggest one start training a child??? We have three wonderful sons, all sucessful in business, and all three with good personalities. They learned early on that they had been "invited" to join the family and that they did not run the show (not in those words of course). They were respectful of their elders (still ar) and their families are being raised the same way. Great kids!!!
A five month old, on a good schedule and routine, is usually a “good” baby. Generally, they are past that colicly stage.
All that crying was likely soooooo unnecessary.
By the way, even the tiniest infants can be trained in a gentle manner. I will give three examples:
1) I had a business in my home. We lived on the upstairs and the business was on the ground floor. When my children were just newborns, I would lay them on a blanket in the middle of the floor. When they cried, their babysitter would immediately take them upstairs and take care of their needs. I was **amazed** at how quickly they learned to be quiet and pleasant,...and...STAY on the blanket! They really did prefer to be around the people in the office, watching the activities going on there.
2) Immediately after the babies were born, when they woke up at night, I didn’t sing, talk, and play with them. I used the minimum light needed to get them comfortable and fed, and I did NOT talk to them. They quickly learned that it was far more interesting to be awake during the day and asleep at night.
3) Some of the women in my church will take a baby out of the services if they are crying. They will take care of their needs but again they don’t talk or play with them. They give the baby something very **boring** to look at ( like a wall). The infants soon learn that being quiet and with the rest of the family is more interesting than looking a blank wall.
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