Smudge never did take that pill.
Posted on 03/06/2011 9:12:58 AM PST by RoseyT
Not just anyone would be willing to share a story like this. Since I'm me, I will.
Do not attempt to give a cat a pill. The vet will tell you it's a simple procedure. Comfort said kitty, gently open her mouth, pop in the pill, and stroke her throat so she'll swallow the medicine. He might even suggest you tightly wrap her in a towel, so as to protect yourself, although he will use no protection at all.
Here's what will really happen. You'll comfort the kitty. "Sweet, Cutie! This medicine is going to help you feel better!" You'll proceed to wrap her in a towel. (You've tried to medicate this cat before and you know you'd have better luck dealing with a mountain lion but you love her so you are willing to try again.) As you're wrapping her up, she will begin to growl. Yes, growl. Not meow. Not purr. G R O W L. You'll successfully wrap her up, ignoring your growing fear of her fierce cat growl, making sure all of her feet are tightly bound with only her head remaining outside the towel.
As you attempt to approach her mouth with the pill, she will retract her head into the towel. In doing so, she will manage to free up enough space to get one front leg out of her bindings and she will strike out at the nearest body part. This body part might happen to be your nose. You will feel indescribable pain. You WILL release her, as your instinct will be to stem the flow of blood pouring from your mangled nose with your t-shirt. (It's possible that the shirt you're wearing will be white.) Your child, whom you recruited to assist you, will stare in horror. They might not be aware that so much blood can flow so quickly. You will cry real tears as the pain feels like what you'd expect a red hot poker inserted in your nostril would feel like. Or maybe it will feel like the shots dentists give in the roof of your mouth. And there will be no warning. The cat will not say "You're going to feel a little pinch now." (Even if it said that, it would be a lie. Cats are notorious liars.) It might feel like a pinch...with vise grips... and it will last for what seems like an eternity.
Once you are able to stand, you will look into the mirror and see a rip that came close to going completely through the skin of your nose. It will hurt fiercely for an hour or two. During that time, you will hate the cat and wish death upon her. You will be relieved that the wound wasn't a little deeper and that it didn't require stitches because you know the ER staff would have laughed behind your back that your cat KICKED YOUR BUTT. Once the bleeding subsides, your 14 year old will make the following comment. "I guess we don't have to worry about you wanting to get your nose pierced, huh?"
You will wake the next morning wondering how a zit could form so quickly. Is it inside your nose or outside? It's hard to tell! And, my God, it must be the size of Mount Vesuvius. It would have to be to hurt so much! Then the horror of the events of the previous evening will come rushing back and you will realize that it isn't a zit at all. And you will once again wish death upon the cat. You might feel guilt for your awful wish. But then again, maybe not.
Smudge never did take that pill.
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