Posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:34 PM PST by Squawk 8888
I’m not the wiener peeler, I’m the wiener peeler’s son, And I’m only peeling wieners, ‘Til the wiener peeler comes.
I apologize to pheasant pluckers’ sons everywhere for stealing their tongue-twister.
But who can resist when my Internet fairy, Irene, drops this job ad on my desk? “Get out your resume,” she purrs.
I pause in processing Moonlight Lady submissions, and take a boo.
“Full-time Wiener Peeler,” says the ad.
Wazzat? I ask. A red-hot stripper?
“No. As in weenie. It’s got you written all over it, ” says Irene, and she flutters off.
Well, I’m getting sick of grinding out daily columns like hamburger. So I read on.
“Opportunity. Excitement. Teamwork. Respect.
“At Maple Leaf Foods we are committed to attracting, rewarding and retaining talented people who are passionate about making a positive impact in their professional and personal lives every day.”
A noble mission. What better way to pursue it than as a bona fide full-time professional wiener peeler. The opening is at Maple Leafs’ hotdog plant in Hamilton.
Imagine the awe when you tell fellow partiers your occupation.
Picture the lineup of schools recruiting for career days.
The teachers may giggle, but the kids will scream for free samples.
You’re on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, “What d’ya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?”
I peel wieners, Drew.
“Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.”
Anyway, I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer. Hit it ...
I’m not the wiener stuffer
I’m the wiener stuffer’s son
I’m only stuffing ...
(Ed. note: Stop that, you hotdogger, or we’ll make you pose for a picture like Gilles Duceppe in the silly hairnet.)
NO! Not that! I’ll do anything, boss.
The photo of Duceppe in a cheese factory was a body blow to the Bloc. He looked like a weenie. Un chien chaud. Un hotdog.
I wonder. How do wiener peelers and stuffers look? All dressed?
I call Linda Smith at Maple Leaf Foods and ask: What company wit came up with those job titles?
“They’re in the union contract,” she says. “They’re really a kind of food-processing operator.”
So machines do the actual stuffing and peeling. Thank God. I can’t imagine sitting there all day, fingers numb, going, “hundred thousand and one weenies, hundred thousand and two weenies, hundred thousand and ...”
The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings with hot dog sludge. Since you asked, the ooze typically comprises mechanically separated chicken, pork, beef, water, wheat gluten, salt, sodium phosphate, spice, dextrose, corn syrup solids, sodium erythorbate, garlic powder, onion powder, sodium nitrite and smoke.
If you need to ask what mechanically separated chicken is, don’t.
Or go eat a veggie burger.
Once the dogs have been divided and smoked and solidified, the wiener peeler removes the casings.
The stuffer and peeler look like hazmat officials or Apollo astronauts.
They wear blue rubber and plastic head to toe, with hairnet, hardhats and mask. Plus earmuffs. Yes. All those dogs barking.
The hirings, says Smith, are to gear up for summer, when 60% of wieners are sold.
What a great job, eh?
I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.
And you’d be in the pantheon of careers with chicken sexer, pet food tester, bounty hunter, odor reader, fortune cookie writer, golf ball diver and newspaper hack.
Plus, you’re wrapped in a soft, warm union. The Brotherhood of Bun Fillers (BBF), or whatever it’s called.
I can picture the negotiations:
“We want a raise, a longer lunch, three weeks holiday, dental coverage and pension improvements.
“But hold the mustard.”
I can’t find a ‘h’ I was hear last night and thought I left it around here.
Just learned of the earthquake in Japan and am concerned for a colleague friend there. When I saw him in January he said he and his wife were going to come visit us again in Seattle.
Laundry calls to me all day and all night. Also the people who want their laundry, even though their drawers are stuffed with other things they could wear ...
I just found Pat’s missing spelling book, in five minutes as I told them I would, after the rest of them had been “looking” for two or three days. Twits.
That was some awesome footage. It’s just a good thing this didn’t take place at night. I hope your friend is OK.
It was 77 yesterday.
If i had a washer, I sure wouldn’t wait as long as I do to wash. Some days, walking to the laundry room and waiting for the clothes to wash is very tiring.
Kids have selective memories for lost items. If it’s something they really want, they’ll look until they find it. If they don’t want it, they’ll wait for you to find it.
(Tagline)
Went to 2nd Toastmasters meeting yesterday, as an observer. Came away with 1st place in the "Table Talk" competition (thrown a question, I had to talk on it for a couple minutes or so).
;)
Awesome! Good for you!
Mmmmm. Catloaf!
Happy Super Moon Month! Or not....
Mmmmm. Catloaf!
Happy Super Moon Month! Or not....
So good you had to post it twice?
*blush*
That’s OK...I do it a lot! It just shows we’re related, is all. *HUG*
Afternoon, all. A friend from my old Girl Scout troop came over with her children for the afternoon. The kids hunted swamp critters in the woods. Crayfish eat tadpoles, if you didn’t already know that. The experiment is in a jar on our mantel.
Now DP, Bill, Tom, and Pat have gone to the gym, and I have the Rice and Beans Casserole in the oven, to a chorus of complaints, but oh well. If you’re not suffering, it’s not penance. (For them - I like the casserole, and so does Frank.)
I enjoy your updates on your family life!!!! Just awesome!!!
Either that or Darks was online. ;-)
I agree Cold One. It makes one feel like a part of the TC family.
(Like she needs more kids! LOL)
The Undead Thread is a little like Facebook or Twitter, for those (like me) who don’t frequent other sites. A place to share whatever’s going on, and if people don’t want to hear about my colonoscopy or Weight Watchers meeting, they don’t have to read it.
48 and clear. I think it’s going to be really cold tonight: Santana the Weather Dragon has been scowling in his burrow all afternoon, and the catz are huddling and looking offended.
I dunno. I think Facebook is lacking something. Maybe it’s too impersonal.
It was about 79 today. Lots of green stuff. At this rate, the snow on Mt. Charleston won’t last very long.
And then there is the bilious green slime from the mulberry trees. Full blosson, now. I have to watch my step. It could either be a wormy thing from the tree hitting my head or shoulder, or it could be something worse from a bird in the tree.
There are too many wierdos out there for me to be willing to share more info. than I need/want to on the internet. (In my best John McCain voice - “Everyone thinks I'm paranoid! Don't they?”)
Some times I do put too much info. out there in spite of myself. oops.
Santana the Weather Dragon has been scowling in his burrow all afternoon, and the catz are huddling and looking offended.
How far are you from the New Madrid Fault?
Are you close to any fault line?
The dog has been unsettled, barking at trees, generally nervous. We live in an earthquake zone.
Everyone....are you in or near an earthquake zone?
Who would have thought we would have had 5.0 here last June?
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