Posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:34 PM PST by Squawk 8888
I’m not the wiener peeler, I’m the wiener peeler’s son, And I’m only peeling wieners, ‘Til the wiener peeler comes.
I apologize to pheasant pluckers’ sons everywhere for stealing their tongue-twister.
But who can resist when my Internet fairy, Irene, drops this job ad on my desk? “Get out your resume,” she purrs.
I pause in processing Moonlight Lady submissions, and take a boo.
“Full-time Wiener Peeler,” says the ad.
Wazzat? I ask. A red-hot stripper?
“No. As in weenie. It’s got you written all over it, ” says Irene, and she flutters off.
Well, I’m getting sick of grinding out daily columns like hamburger. So I read on.
“Opportunity. Excitement. Teamwork. Respect.
“At Maple Leaf Foods we are committed to attracting, rewarding and retaining talented people who are passionate about making a positive impact in their professional and personal lives every day.”
A noble mission. What better way to pursue it than as a bona fide full-time professional wiener peeler. The opening is at Maple Leafs’ hotdog plant in Hamilton.
Imagine the awe when you tell fellow partiers your occupation.
Picture the lineup of schools recruiting for career days.
The teachers may giggle, but the kids will scream for free samples.
You’re on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, “What d’ya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?”
I peel wieners, Drew.
“Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.”
Anyway, I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer. Hit it ...
I’m not the wiener stuffer
I’m the wiener stuffer’s son
I’m only stuffing ...
(Ed. note: Stop that, you hotdogger, or we’ll make you pose for a picture like Gilles Duceppe in the silly hairnet.)
NO! Not that! I’ll do anything, boss.
The photo of Duceppe in a cheese factory was a body blow to the Bloc. He looked like a weenie. Un chien chaud. Un hotdog.
I wonder. How do wiener peelers and stuffers look? All dressed?
I call Linda Smith at Maple Leaf Foods and ask: What company wit came up with those job titles?
“They’re in the union contract,” she says. “They’re really a kind of food-processing operator.”
So machines do the actual stuffing and peeling. Thank God. I can’t imagine sitting there all day, fingers numb, going, “hundred thousand and one weenies, hundred thousand and two weenies, hundred thousand and ...”
The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings with hot dog sludge. Since you asked, the ooze typically comprises mechanically separated chicken, pork, beef, water, wheat gluten, salt, sodium phosphate, spice, dextrose, corn syrup solids, sodium erythorbate, garlic powder, onion powder, sodium nitrite and smoke.
If you need to ask what mechanically separated chicken is, don’t.
Or go eat a veggie burger.
Once the dogs have been divided and smoked and solidified, the wiener peeler removes the casings.
The stuffer and peeler look like hazmat officials or Apollo astronauts.
They wear blue rubber and plastic head to toe, with hairnet, hardhats and mask. Plus earmuffs. Yes. All those dogs barking.
The hirings, says Smith, are to gear up for summer, when 60% of wieners are sold.
What a great job, eh?
I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.
And you’d be in the pantheon of careers with chicken sexer, pet food tester, bounty hunter, odor reader, fortune cookie writer, golf ball diver and newspaper hack.
Plus, you’re wrapped in a soft, warm union. The Brotherhood of Bun Fillers (BBF), or whatever it’s called.
I can picture the negotiations:
“We want a raise, a longer lunch, three weeks holiday, dental coverage and pension improvements.
“But hold the mustard.”
What is the specific problem with your Lab? Is it something that responds well to treatment?
There are more courtesy lights in my little place than the law should allow...smoke alarm light, surge protector lights, (3) modem lights, and clock on the cable box. That doesn’t include the ambient light from the security lights both in front of and in back of my apartment and my own porch light.
Lucky me, I’ve learned to sleep through them all.
She would not lie down at all last night. she keep on walking around in circles trying to get comfortable. She has arthritis and has acted this way once before somewhat.That time she went after the evil squirrel and jumped off the porch wrong. She is 11. I take her to Vet in the morning.
I finally got her to lie down at 6am. She is now laying down next to me sleeping.
Whoa. That’s sad. I hate to see them walk in circles. Keep us posted on what the vet says, OK? In the meantime, I’ll say some prayers for her.
My work laptop’s power supply has a stupid blue LED inside the plug to the laptop that illuminates a ring on the plug body. It gives off so much light it’s kept me awake at night in hotels.
Thank you Face! I will update.
Hang a sock over it. My big HP printer has a bright red plug (LED) and that means I either unplug it to sleep or cover it. I cover it.
Thanks! The Lord likes specifics, even though He knows what we need before we ask.
Yah, that’s essentially what I do. I might take a permanent marker to it.
Sorry about your sick dog, ColdOne. I’ll keep you both in prayer.
Unnngh. My right ear hears something loud from the tv in the living room, and my left ear hears Bill’s ghastly music from the kitchen. And my neck hurts.
If I had two ears that heard different things, I’d have a pain in my neck, too.
Thank you so much Tax-chick. *eyes leaking* ;)
I need to fly out to the Washington DC area later this summer. What is the best cheapest way to get a ticket now? There are so many ways to buy tickets. I can travel any day of the week and will stay about a week.
I don't really know. I have to buy my tickets through the corporate (internal) travel-booking site. And prices are constantly fluctuating -- sometimes I'll go to book and find the lowest-price fare is a carrier I don't like, then I'll try the next day and it's my preferred!
And depending upon where you're going you've a choice of airports: IAD (Dulles), DCA (Reagan National), or BWI (Baltimore). BWI is usually a bit less expensive than the others -- and you can say "Hi" to NnBob as you fly over. Many sites you can enter airport code WAS for Washington D.C. area airports (i.e. "try all").
I think, but am not certain, that the lowest fares come somewhere around 3 weeks before departure. I tend to stop watching when I've booked a trip. *\;^)
Whoops... LoM knows a site through which you can shop all the wholesalers: http://travelzoo.com
And don't forget to check the wholesaler's fare against what you get from the airline direct.
We just ran a sample search on TravelZoo and it came up with Alaska, who apparently has a new non-stop to D.C. -- new routes tend to have the lowest fares.
Ditto.
There's an answer to prayer. It's sad when dogs start getting old. Prayers up.
Try Expedia, Orbitz and Priceline. The latter may give you the best deals, especially since you don’t seem to have time constraints.
There is also hotwire.com, which can give you good hotel rates.
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