Good evening. In light of recent events, my administration has adopted a
policy that I believe will cool the rhetoric of public discourse by eliminating
the use of certain words and phrases that may provoke a heated response.
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Not only should this be the practice of your elected officials in Washington,
it should also be practiced here on the American Idol thread.
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Therefore the phrase “I feel stabby!” will now be replaced by the less
provocative—but sufficiently meaningful—“I do not approve of that
person’s singing ability” or “That person’s talent and/or appearance is not to my standards.”
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If these phrases are used, I ask that you also add an encouraging or life-affirming
note to your comment, such as: “I do not like that person’s singing,
but I am sure he/she/other is trying his/her/other’s best and will
eventually succeed at whatever endeavors he/she/other chooses to pursue.”
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It is the belief of the Secret Service, the FBI, Homeland Security
and myself that such an affirmation will defuse any potential hostility before it begins.
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Thank you for you time. Good night.
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Greatest. Speech. EVER!
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