Posted on 01/01/2011 5:40:22 AM PST by eastforker
For those that don't know about history...
Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals 2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
They became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish
but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud, Stroh’s or Miller.
They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing.
They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.
That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded
immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to
piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going to have another beer.
Yep.
Nailed it.
Hey Prissy get me a beer.
Then people discovered corn and said,”Oh boy,now we can make whiskey!”
A true leap forward in drinking tech...
Just checked the web site. I thought you guys told me you was gonna put my boat behind the fence. It ain’t fer sale. D**n Prissy. Git me another Bud.
“In the beginning God created the heaven. and the earth.” (Genesis 1:1)
“And the LORD God formed man out of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” (Genesis 2:7)
“By the word of the LORD were the heavens made; and all the host of them by the breath of His mouth.” (Psalm 33:6)
“Let everything that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.” (Psalm 150:6)
“So shall my Word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto Me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11)
GOD made heaven and earth in 6 days. Then he drank beer and played golf on Sunday. I am sure of it.
Actually there are three major achievements in historical invention; the wheel, beer, and belt feed ammo.
With Whiskey came Miss Frisky!
Pass the Teattosterone!
Yep,looks like an eager breeder to me....
Thanks, our Lord said, “If the world hated me, they will also hate you!”
Jesus said, “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My words shall never pass away.”
“We shall all give an account, that everyone may receive the things done in this body, according to that which he hath done, whether it be good or bad. Knowing the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God, and I trust in your conscienses.”(2 Corinthians 5:10-11)
“Or despisest thou the riches of His goodness and forebearance and lonsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?” (Romans 2:8)
“For God sent not His Son to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:17)
Dude, what is it with you?Your posting remind me of a homosexual shouting their agenda.This is a humor/chat thread.
What is with me? God and the Lord Jesus Christ my Saviour is with me! He has made me salt and light, for we are the salt and light of the world.
“Thy Word have I hid in mine heart that I might not sin against Thee.” (Psalm 119:11)
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart: Lean not on thine own understanding,In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy ways. Be not wise in thine own eyes fear the LORD, and depart from evil.” (Proverbs 3:5-7)
“By mercy and truth iniquity is purged; and by the fear of the LORD men depart from evil.” (Proverbs 16:6)
“There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” (Proverbs 14:12 and 16:25)
“The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is lonsuffering to usward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)
Dude, this is not a religious thread.Stop posting your biblical propaganda to me, I am not interested in hearing it.It is people like you that have turned many away from any form of religion. You act just like a muslim spouting off about islam. After looking at your posting history it seems you have a habit of posting bible verses like you are pretending to actually know something about scripture. Copying and pasting is no way to go through life boy.
Thanks again, but you may like to know I’m a 76year+ old boy, have been studying God’s Word for over 48 years.
But I don’t deserve salvation nor heaven. I just deserved hell before I received the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)
Can your tell me what you do know? You are not rejecting my word, you are rejecting God’s Word.
Don’t you know: “How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation; which at the first began spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed unto us by the Lord, and was confirmed unto us by them that heard Him.” (Hebrews 2:3)
“For the Word of God is quick, and sharper than any two- edged sword, piercing evwen to the dividing asunder of soul and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)
Maybe God cannot use me to reach you, but God will send another and another, until He turns you over to believe a lie, if you continue to harden your heart. (Romans 1;2128)
Eternity is a long, long time, and “it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of a living God.” (Hebrew 10:31)
So I’ll close with a so long if you receive the gift of eternal life; but its goodby foerver, if you reject grace and mercy of God.
“It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.”
Until they remember political correctness that they fabricated to use against Conservatives,then liberals pull in their fangs and go back their phony nice guy ways.
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