Posted on 12/04/2010 1:49:57 PM PST by re_tail20
"I would rather give birth to a baby elephant than raise a teenager again. It would be less painful," says Renee Cassis Hoering of New York City. "I cannot believe that my darling, sweet little girl has turned into a 16-year-old stranger who just wants money from me all the time."
After seeing his son through the teen years, Bob Mittelsdorf is in favor of the Mark Twain approach to child-rearing: "When a child turns 12, he should be kept in a barrel and fed through the bung hole, until he reaches 16…at which time you plug the bung hole."
The intensity. The sullenness. The drama - and it isn't only the rebellious kids who suddenly turn on us. When my friend's son -- a straight-A student and all-around sweetheart -- recently ended up in the hospital getting his stomach pumped because he went out drinking with friends for the first time and had no clue how much was too much, that's when I realized: There is just no predicting. Even for the most responsible kids, there is always that combustible combination of youth, opportunity, and one bad night.
As recently as 15 years ago, parents (and even scientists) threw up their hands and cried, "Hormones!" when asked why our children become so nutty around the time of adolescence. Certainly an unholy passion for Justin Bieber or Selena Gomez doesn't help, but it's hardly the whole story. For that you have to turn to science.
(Excerpt) Read more at parade.com ...
Although there is evidence of the rate of brain development stuff, this article sounds like a lot excuse analysis. How did teens cope for the last 5000 years?
I’ll tell you. They were given NO CHOICE.
Families and cultures demanded discipline and contribution to family chores—or else.
Somehow teens just had to bang through all that and not wig out.
I hated this mincing article.
The age-segregated school paradigm is the only time in one's life where most human interaction occurs within the same age group. The old one-room schoolhouse more accurately reflected the real world. Another reason to homeschool these days.
” the military knows just how stupid young people cam be on their own and provides a strong adult hand to help get their minds right”
Its a 4 year lapse in judgement. They come home and are as screwed up as the rest of us.
” He found out there would be alcohol/pot and chose to stay home. I hope he stays this clear and mature.”
He’ll probably smoke pot. The question is does he have a propensity to continue? Sounds like you have a good kid.
Doesn’t everyone know that the smartest people in the world are teenage girls? I’ll tell you, they have the wisdom of the ages. They can tell you, like, everything that’s totally wrong with the world. Just ask one.
That is lovely. Thanks.
I’ve always thought that kids should be born with ‘off/sleep’ buttons. You enjoy them little, turn them to ‘sleep mode’ from 12-18, then wake-em up and see what you have. During sleep mode they could be fed intraveneously( or let-em wake up long enough for one huge meal daily) and educated by sleep-tapes.
That or some kinda ‘happy’ additive to teen food.
And who’s fault is that? Blame the schools for lack of family time?
2 of my son’s went to Public school and I am home schooling my 3rd. I don’t home school to prevent him from the influences of the outside world either. I home school because he was falling through the cracks.
My oldest son was born ready to kick some butt. In fact the first comment my husband made holding him was that he looked like he should be smoking a cigar. #2 born as mellow as can be and still is. #3 He is even keeled.
We were not helicopter parents, but we always were involved in their lives, they played sports and were never interested in the 24 hr. video games and computers. In their 20, 19 and 14 yrs. they have given me more grey hair than I care to think about.
However, they were taught from the very beginning, YOU yourself are responsible for you! I don’t go for the “I didn’t do it I was just there!” They had to pay the consequences, including a night in jail. When my son called, he was told......Hate if for ya, I’m going back to bed, enjoy breakfast.
They have turned out fine. Lots of ups and downs but that is life and they have to learn to deal with it.
My oldest would get confrontational with me...very hard headed and short fuse.
I told him I would jack him up and he said I could not because he could call the police....I told him, don’t bother I’ll call and I did. Put it on speaker phone, explained to the detective I had a wise-ass teenager who thought they would come to his rescue.....reply.....Body shots ma’am, nothing to the face. That shut him up real fast.
At 18 I slapped his face silly when he got mouthy to me in front of his friends...Told him he was lucky because he was still in HS, otherwise I would have knocked his teeth out, the only thing that stopped me was the thought of the dental costs.
Those are the only 2 times things really got ugly. At 19 he was still illing at times, I wrote him a letter and told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of his attitude and where it was taking him and that I would not sit back and enable his behavior. I also told him that I will not respond to the letter for a week. He was livid but....it did sink in.
He decided not to go to school and joined the military instead....in one letter from Basic, he brought up things in that letter and understood what I was trying to tell him. Oh boy, did I cry.
Hang in there, be strong, be firm and stick to your guns. Some just have a harder time than others but all is not lost.
For most of human history there were no “teenagers”. People went from being a child to being an adult.
This situation we have created with teens wanting to live like adults but having no adult responsibility is crazy.
People in general spoil the snot out of their kids and grandkids, because in their minds, they deem them so CUTE. Then when they get into the toddler stage, they become loud, screaming tyrants holding everyone in the family (including extended family) hostage. We have some family members who put on videos of their kid while we’re already watching them play in the floor in front of the screen. So, we get to watch the admittedly cute kid playing onscreen AND in person for hours at almost every family gathering. Whew! - I wouldn’t doubt that Ritalin will be used later on in order to try to alleviate the temper tantrums. I hope it gets straightened out, but I just keep mum and try to keep the peace. - Sigh . . .
My Grandmother Ruby was born in 1884. She told me that back then there were no teenagers. Girls and boy were children until around fifteen years of age. Then they were expected to be grownups. She said teenagers were a more modern invention. The first time she heard of a young person being called a teenager was in the 1920’s. She graduated at age 16 the top in her class of five scholars in Pleasanton, Kansas. Her husband, my Grandfather Frank, graduated the next year at the old age of 17. They married when they were 18 years old. Her mother made her afternoon lavender gown. She told me that white wedding gowns had not been invented yet. Grandfather worked as a bank teller. Their first home was two rooms about her Papa’s mercandile.
The ONLY people who can fix it is the parents themselves!!! You give up your entire weekends to do things with your kids, even if you are run down with exhaustion. You get them involved in youth groups through church. You take them hiking and camping away from all the electronic stuff, you take them fishing, and hunting and four wheeling and bike riding, whatever. You start at a young age, you make it a lifestyle.
I found that there were lots of parents who thought “not my child”, they never saw it coming. I also thought, “Why not my child” and kept in tune to what was going on and TRIED to head things off at the pass.
Strong male role models are very important for both girls and boys.
Also, we have gotten to this thinking that your kids should never get their feelings hurt. That is BS, it is what it is, there are times when they should get their feelings hurt and feel shame for their actions.
My daughter turned into a psychotic monster from 15 to 17. I wasn’t sure whether to kill myself or her or both. I thought about taking out a seller’s account on Ebay and selling her to some Arab sheikh, but didn’t do so only because I knew I’d get bad feedback when the sheikh realized what a pain in the tuchus she was. Then at 17 she started to return to the lovely, sweet person she had been from 0 to 14.9. Now she is 22 and a real joy once again. We survived!
My son is 16, and while he was a miniature Godzilla from birth through age 8, he is very sweet, funny, and easy to live with. We rarely have a problem. Any arguments we have blow over in 2 minutes. Everyone loves this kid.
One of the toughest things in raising my teens has been how lax and lazy their friends are. Nice kids but with lots of money and no responsibilities. My kids have always held it against me that I have required them to take on chores. Hauling in the wood to heat the house, Heck I BOUGHT IT, lawnmowing, washing dishes, washing their clothes, going to the dump, cleaning the garage, etc. My kids are right, their friends are at swimming, golf, dirtbiking and fourwheeling, snowmobiling,and other things that I cannot afford and do as a single mom. My son earned and owns the two dirtbikes we have.
In literature there are stories of many fourteen and fifteen year olds who go to work as secretaries in the city. They were all grown up with adult responsibilities.
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