I understand, I have been right where you are many times. I never had the good fortune to have a pet that lived 19 years, that is remarkable. You must have taken very good care of her.
I think it could have been longer, if I was more informed. 19 years does seem like a long time, but it is NEVER long enough.
This thread has taught me much, which I am applying to my 2 other cats.
Kitty was my 1st since I went out on my own (I was 21 when I got her as a kitten). It was her and I against the world. Now it seems I have to “chase cars” on my own, without her.
I am simply heartbroken. A big chunck of my life was just ripped from me and I’m not dealing well.