Posted on 10/01/2010 7:26:20 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
In the last few months, I have received half a dozen e-mails inviting me to become a "friend" on Facebook. Some of these are from my beloved children, some from colleagues and former students, and others from people I barely know.
In every case, I have politely declined, explaining that I detest the idea of Facebook and refuse to be emotionally blackmailed into joining it solely to avoid offending them.
My first reason for opposing Facebook is the sheer phoniness of it. "Friends" are collected and displayed, like a stud's panty collection in a frat house. The very indiscriminateness of it cheapens it. It reminds me of the scene in Kurt Vonnegut's God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater where Senator Rosewater chides his hyperidealistic son in words something like this:
"Eliot, it's as if you stood on a street corner, with a pile of squares of toilet paper with 'I love you' written on each one, and handed one out to everybody that passed by. I just don't want my square of toilet paper."
My second objection is that the very use of the word "friend" betrays its falseness. I doubt that I've ever used the word in speaking with anyone I know. If one of us were to ask "are you my friend?" the answer would automatically have to be "no"; the asking of the question implies the answer. It's like the explanation of a charming young English acquaintance that "one never calls a woman a lady unless she isn't."
My third objection is that Facebook imposes an artificial and superficial digitalization of the concept of friendship. I know hundreds, perhaps thousands of people. If pressed, I might categorize them as people I've met, acquaintances, neighbors, colleagues, friends, and loved ones. But in truth, they form a multidimensional spectrum of innumerable and delicately nuanced gradations of interest, respect, fondness, intimacy, and mutual understanding. (I don't know how many dimensions there are; as in string theory, it's always more than you think.) It would be crude and imbecilic to try to reduce these relationships into a one-dimensional, binary 0 or 1.
There's something Marxist or even Orwellian about this. At the very least, it gruesomely demonstrates how cheap and artificial our society has become, with its A- and B-lists and computer-programmed selection of Christmas card recipients.
My fourth objection is that these relationships are a private matter that I do not wish to have displayed on somebody's website.
My fifth is that the Facebook organization seems to be trying to build an evil empire -- not merely to facilitate, but to dominate the social network they have created. Otherwise, they wouldn't insist on forcing would-be friends to first become members. And they wouldn't send you repeated reminders that so-and-so wants you to be his "friend" and urging you to quickly sign up. There have been several uproars about Facebook's manipulation of its members' privacy, including encroachments that some say the Facebook organization anticipated would be unwelcome. Moreover, it appears that once you have joined, it's very difficult to cancel your account.
My final objection is that it's morally and emotionally harmful to the participants. Popular people are tempted to display their "friends" like trophies or scalps. The shy or lonely are brutally embarrassed by their poor display. It's the very essence of the cliquishness that makes high school a hell for outsiders and loners.
I'm writing this today because I think that the tragedy of Tyler Clementi is a case in point. I think it's significant that Tyler posted his suicide note on Facebook, and I wince at the irony that the mourning of his death is being commemorated on a special Facebook page. More to the point, I believe that the bizarre actions of Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei, which allegedly led to Tyler's suicide, were to a major degree the product of the Facebook-Twitter mentality that they were all victims of.
This week saw the debut of The Social Network, a movie about the genesis of Facebook. I planned to see that movie in the hope of finding out how all this idiocy started. Instead, I intend to boycott it in honor of Tyler.
And please, if you plan to join Facebook, don't send me any invitations.
I love Facebook. I only friend people I know and set the security to just us. If any of them get out of line I block seeing their mindless posts. You can block all the stuff you don’t want to see - no need to play the victim here.
I love keeping in touch with classmates I otherwise would not have kept in touch with because of distance and staying in touch with a widely disbursed family.
My neighborhood uses it as a way to keep up on what’s happening on the block - like planning weekly potlucks and sending out notices about neighborhood safety quickly - alerting people to respond in an emergency. It has really come in handy when there is an accident or fire. It’s just another tool.
It’s like anything else. It is what you make it.
Good point.
Boy I have been getting schooled here lately.
My 2 cents...As long as you have your privacy settings set properly no one can see the pictures except for people you are friends with. You can also share pictures with only specific people on FB. I’ve tested this out, had others try to see my pictures who I’m not friends with, and it works. My kids grandparents live in South Africa, their aunt is Australia, we’re in Oklahoma. When used properly Facebook is a great way to stay connected.
Control Freak Alert: Writers who don’t embrace new ways of communication should find a new line of work. I love to read what my “friends” have to say on Facebook. Just because they don’t have a column in a magazine or in an online magazine doesn’t mean they should not be able to communicate their thoughts on their own FB page.
That’s what I thought. If I thought for one minute that a child molestor was looking at my babies’ pictures, I would never put them up and would warn my kids not to as well. I think if that was the case, FB would have gone under a long time ago.
Why would the author have a Facebook account just to delete all the friends? If you are opposed to Facebook, why not just not join?
I did the same thing. The thing that really freaked me out was when I accepted the first friend request, I could see all her friends and realized she would be able to see all of mine. I felt like I would be violating my friends' privacy without their permission.
INCORRECT!!!
Anyone who is a friend of any person WHO IS TAGGED in the photo can see the photo.
Any person tagged in the photo who has his/her security settings set low, automatically opens up the photo to the entire facebook universe.
Therefore, everytime your child is in a group photo with lots of people tagged, that photo is essentially public information.
Now for the really scary part.
If you then delete that photo off of your FB account...it doesn’t leave facebook. Even if you are the one who uploaded it in the first place. It only leaves your FB account. every other person who has been tagged in that photo RETAINS THE ABILITY TO ACCESS THAT PHOTO ANY TIME THEY CHOOSE forever until they also choose to delete that photo. And all the people who are tagged in that photo who have low security settings are STILL MAKING THAT PHOTO AVAILABLE TO ALL PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK.
Facebook preys on the inexperienced people of our society. You people are obviously in that category. Good luck with your stubborn polyanaish head in the sand ignorance because it is dumb luck alone that is keeping you going. apparently.
Keep calm. Yes, if you tagged your child in a picture and tagged someone else who didn’t have the same security features then other people would be able to see the pictures.
BUT if you understand that, and don’t tag anyone in the picture at all (I never do) and make it only available to certain people whom you know have the same security settings as you, then NO ONE else can see that picture.
A good friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.
If that was the case, then we’d be hearing about this happening all the time. I don’t feel one bit afraid of tagging pix on my FB account because the chances of that happening are nil. Thanks for the heads up, but I’m keeping my account.
I only accept requests from people I know. I also keep my settings private. I don’t even let friends of my friends see my information or photos.
fool. keep your head in sand. as long as you do that you don’t need to ever consider the possibility i have even the slightest sliver of truth in anything I say.
keep it up.
Why the name calling? Are you more interested in the safety of my kids, or proving yourself right? You issued your warning, now let it go. I like FB and you don’t. That’s what makes America so great. We get to make our choices, whether you agree with them or not.
I think I shall keep it up. Thank you for your “concern”.
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