Here’s another one:
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Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........
“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.”
“Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. “
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There’s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.
“Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree.”
“Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don’t forget.”
“Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree.”
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,
“Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!”
“Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? “
“Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush....”
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Another one:
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THE PREACHER
A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation
that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation, no one
wants him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims, “If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda Mini-van to transport their children! The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, “If the
Preacher will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!”
More sighs and loud applause, Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, “If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!”
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her,
“Mrs. Jones,whatever possessed you to say
that?”
Sadie’s 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies, “Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, “Screw the Preacher!”
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