Help - facing severe situational depression

[Miztiki]

There's a big difference between situational depression and other forms of depression. I am facing what is becoming severe situational depression. Simply put, I would not be depressed if I was not in this situation!

I don't post often but FR is where I spend most of my day, so that's why I turn to you for help. If you think you can help then please PM me. Prayers are appreciated, but what I really need right now is good advice.

I need help brainstorming ways of how to change my situation. I don't know where to turn for that advice.

I don't lack coping skills. I'm not mentally unhealthy and in need of professional help (but I'm going to see if one has ideas). I'm actually very healthy in that respect. Nor do I lack faith. Faith is what keeps me going.

What I do lack is viable options.

I'm disabled and poor. Those two facts severely limit my options.

My problem, in a nutshell, is two-fold:

I'm getting very lonely. I can go weeks without seeing another human being.

And, I rely on others to get by.

- I get a whopping $800/mo from Social Security for medical retirement, plus food stamps. You can't live on that.

- I can't work, paid or not, mostly because...

- I can't do anything that requires reliability (that is planned or scheduled). Fentanyl patches & other meds control the pain pretty well but the side effects are disabling in and of themselves.

- This (and constant moving) made it hard to keep old friends, and affects my ability to get out and meet new ones.

- Apart from a mean, abusive dad who is not supportive at all, I have no family.

- I'm not physically strong enough to raise children, so no kids. Wish I could.

- I can't have a roommate here.

- I can't afford to move.

Considering this, how can I relieve my loneliness? But there's a bit more to it than that.

I have an ex-husband who pays my rent, heat, car, phone, internet, and most importantly, my pets that I love with all my heart; my only family. Sounds great, eh?

He is not court-ordered to help me though, and his "generosity" comes at a price, a price I'm not willing to pay anymore. I can't take it anymore. It's not worth it!

The loneliness (plus grief from the ex on top of everything else) is too much for me. Something has to give, but I'm afraid of losing what's most important to me in the process.

If I stay here (courtesy of the ex), continuing the way things are, nothing will change. That is NOT an acceptable option.

If I leave my ex then I know I'll at least lose my car, and have to live in subsidized housing ("the ghetto"), no pets allowed.

I don't see what options I have other than exchanging one depressing situation for another. I don't want to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.

I've had my dogs for 5 years and my cat for 12. They are important to me!

Ideally I'd like to rent a decent, safe house out here in the country that doesn't require a deposit and is ok with pets, ok with me having a roommate (who is also ok with me, pets, etc.), and ok with me gardening. And ok setting up the contract with my out-of-state ex.

Then I'd have my pets and my country and be able to cook for my roommate, and only have to deal with grief from the ex. With ex-money and just a little help from a roommate I can afford the rent, but I can't find such a place, and I don't think the chances are very good either, meaning I'll have to give up something.

Give up what? One of my pets? Rural life? Personal safety? Car? Financial help?

How do I choose?

Despite everything, I have much to offer. I can't do anything for anyone though when I'm so alone and isolated. And I miss cooking.

(I'd like to buy a house so that I have some stability in my life, and my ex agreed to pay for it, but again, no downpayment. I qualify for rural, no-downpayment gov. mortgages but, get this - they don't allow roommates!)

[fieldmarshaldj]

Prayers for you, I can truly sympathize. :-|

[Dayman]

I’ve battled clinical depression all my life. That said, you can go take a pill and talk to a Dr. until you are blue in the face and it may not help you. Depression is just anger turned inwards. Here is what will help you regardless of the situation that is causing your issues:

Exercise at least 20 minutes a day

Eat better food

Stand up for yourself.

Make a list of all the stressful things in your life. All of them, don’t leave any off. Then number them by most stressful and eliminate the worst one.

Quit filling sorry for yourself.

Come up with a plan to get out of debt and take 1 possitive step towards that plan immediatly (rebudget, sell something, etc.)

[Dayman]

*filling = feeling. Sorry about that.

The point is the same, though. Quit letting yourself be a doormat. If you stand up for yourself to your ex then you’ll feel 1000x better.

[RushIsMyTeddyBear]

Prayers up here, MizTiki.

[Linda Frances]

Heavenly Father,

Help this women find the answers she needs. Let her know how much You love her and that true peace will be found only in trusting You completely.

In Jesus Name, Amen

[valkyry1]

Hang in there, prayers up. Sometimes life gives us a selection of not so pretty choices.

[tired&retired]

You will be joined by a lot of people in the near future as they too have that feeling of being a victim of circumstances that are beyond their control. I know that does not offer much peace, but it is the reality.

Question... What part of the country?

[Palladin]

Good list.

I’d add: Go to Church. Get involved in a Prayer Group or some other volunteer activity. You will find that there are folks in much worse siruations than yours. Reach out to help others and your good deeds will come back to you.

[Anitius Severinus Boethius]

You are in a tough place. Even if you are not a believer, try to get involved in a Church or a charity run by a private organization. You will meet people who aren’t concerned that you can’t show up all the time or on a regular schedule and who might be able to have local resources to help you.

Being around others, even if it’s a couple of hours at a time a couple of times a week, will be a big help to you.

Are you in a place where you can plant a small flower or vegetable garden? If so, do so. Being outside just a little more than you are used to can help with depression as well. Having a focus beyond the day (i.e. waiting for crops to come up) will also help.

Without knowing more details (and not suggesting you give them on a public forum) that’s what I can recommend right now.

[Persevero]

You mentioned faith.

You need a church. A church that will be able to help you without asking for “benefits” such as are implied in your post. Are you able to attend church, with help? Many churches are barrier-free.

I am familiar with some decent denominations and if you pm me I can help you get started.

I would point you to your family as well, but you mentioned them as unhelpful. I would point you to your community but you addressed the issue of friends and government assistance.

[Mountain Mary]

Ditto lifelong battle with clinical depression.
Feeling powerless is usually a big part of it..So find a way to take action, any action to start with.
And deal with the immobilizing fear, which is really an illusion.My friend who was a therapist used to tell me to take the FEAR out and then what would I do? Well, hot damn, then I guess I would just DO IT!
So there are no victims, only volunteers, find a way to take your power back, have good boundaries in your relationships and you will gradually find the path to discovering who you really are.
Once, there, you will want to stay there, and not ever go back to the way you were before.
Good luck and God Bless.

[Mr. K]

Do you belong to a church?

Take a hot bath or shower first thing in the morning and last thing before bed- you would be amazed at how much better you feel nice and fresh and clean

Your situation does not sound so desperate- your house and bills are paid, AND you get SSDI plus food stamps.

You seem to have enough extra cash to support dog(S!) and a cat- I know what those cost. They also do not help keeping things clean. Trust me on this CLEANLINESS FIRST will help a LOT. You got nothing else to do? get rid of the animals an garbage in yor house, scrub your house and your self from top to bottom.

Open the windows and get fresh air. Simple breakfast of a couple of eggs and milk helps your energy all day. DO NOT EAT ANYTHING FROM A BOX (or bag)- fresh protien and fruit/vegetables.

Not to be flip here, but get a grip on yourself- go to school, learn a carreer you can do from home (computer software comes to mind)

Start with a good hot shower right now... then ask again. We will guide you to next steps. You need freinds

[Abigail Adams]

I would say talk to a counselor if you can. They may be able to help you see alternative ways to think about and deal with things. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone to sort out the options and come up with a plan.

[dinoparty]

1.Do you go to church? If not, find a thriving Bible-based one right away and volunteer in any way you are capable. Disregard any “bad experiences” you’ve had with church in the past; they are not an excuse to avoid the love of God and human contact.

2. Do consider “pills” and counseling. Yes, they do help regardless of what people say. They often help considerably.

[mnehring]

When it feels all is taken from you, one thing that no one can take is your personal story.

Write it.
(therapy technique my FIL uses with PTSD vets).

This may not change your circumstances (yet) but it may change you internally).

Depending on how you do this, you never know what doors may open.

[The Comedian]

1) You aren't a bad writer (heck, you punctuate and capitalize better than 90% of the posters on FR) - consider working for yourself, something you can do at home with a PC, perhaps writing resumes, or something similar. The Internet is full of opportunities. Look up "disabled online business", or something similar.

2) Get yourself some 5HTP and take it. Natural, brilliant stuff that helps your brain work correctly - knocks depression on its behind.

3) Most campground have Wifi, power, water, and even cable TV hookups. Get yourself a tent or a camper-topped truck and move in.

4) Start every day thanking God for your life and situation, and thank Him in advance for the day he's about to give you. Every night, thank him for the day already supplied. Don't miss a day.

Frowning takes 68 muscles.
Smiling takes 6.
Pulling this trigger takes 2.
I'm lazy.

[TNdandelion]

If you are severely disabled, do you have a social worker that you can call to discuss your housing options? I know you said you can't have a room mate but you didn't say why. Maybe that is something that you could reconsider as the income could help towards your rent.

As for the loneliness, unless you are able to get out and be with other people, that's probably not going to be easily remedied. One thing that helps me get my mind off things that upset me is to dive into a project of some sort. It could be anything that interests you. A hobby, classes, books, television....depends on your abilities. Healthy escapes.

Good luck to you.

[MissDairyGoodnessVT]

you need not worry about your pets if you have a medical note from your pcp or therapist stating they provide comfort for you and if you can’t convince those people (your physician or therapist) then you need to find another doctor.
Your pets won’t be taken away from you or you need not worry for them.
Your list sounds very depressing but it also sound like you are NOT being pro-active in addressing your situation

Good Luck

[wally_bert]

“Pills” have helped me considerably. I do not like taking medication as a rule but I have been on the verge of breakdowns a few times over the years.