[a fool in paradise]

Floriduh!

[WOBBLY BOB]

I hate it when kids drink my beer.

[Billthedrill]

Hmm...yeah. A drunk 32-year-old guy still living at home wants the cops to arrest Mom for filching his suds. That's got to be close to a record for how many, uh, "issues", you can pack into a single sentence.

I'm hearing a Country Music song here.

[Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus]

She pinched his pint.
She grabbed his grog.
She swiped his sweaty.
She lifted his liquor.
She brodied his brewski.
She nicked his nightcap.
She skyped his suds.
She appropriated his ale.

Any others I can pass on to the writer of this article?

[AceMineral]

The thing of it is this guy can’t even make $150 in bail. In the clink Friday, and still there on Tuesday.

[Disambiguator]

This guy's cousins?

[Oldpuppymax]

Well, just as long as she didn’t take his banjo and rocking chair!

[Jack Hydrazine]

Another Lee on the loose!

[nickcarraway]

I wonder if this guy is on Match.com?

[Billthedrill]

A ping for the Light Verse Brigade

The Ballad Of Charlie Lee

I wuz drinkin' in the basement and a-surfin' fer some porn
Been a WoW spawn camper since the day that I was born
Wrote a long obscene empistle to a thread at Fire Dog Lake
And I saw from Mickey's hands that it was time to take a break

Well I waddled to the fridge and then I opened up the door
And of all the case I'd bought there wasn't any left no more
Jest some empty plastic rings in the little plastic bin
And I had to dial the number, cause my Momma done me in

Chorus:

Well it's a hard hard life for a cyber kinda guy
When the pizza boxes stack up and the fridge is runnin' dry
I been banned from Daily Kos and I been tombstoned at DU
Whut's a young country boy to do
When his Momma steals his brew?

Well the sirens came a screechin' and upstairs the po-leece cars
Were a-rollin' from the taverns and the hooches and the bars
And the Sheriff up and ast me "Boy, what's goin' on in here?"
I said "Sir, you gotta 'rest her, cause my Momma stole my beer!"

Well the Deputies all broke up and the Sheriff gave a frown
Said "You better sober up boy cause I'm takin' you downtown"
And they give me thirty days just to get a little dry
And my cellmate's name is Bubba and he's givin' me the eye

So it's halfway through the sentence and I got a tale to tell
While I'm sittin in a puddle at the bottom of the cell
You just better watch yer Mama and you better watch yer rear,
Cause ol' Oprah's on the TV and she's gonna steal yer beer.

Chorus:

Well it's a hard hard life for a cyber kinda guy
When the pizza boxes stack up and the fridge is runnin' dry
I been banned from Daily Kos and I been tombstoned at DU
Whut's a young country boy to do
When his Momma steals his brew?

Repeat chorus, fade...