Posted on 03/10/2010 5:30:14 AM PST by ShadowAce
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division".
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris can resist the Borg.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
Chuck Norris didn’t turn 70
70 Turned Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented hamburger....he kicked a cow through a chain link fence.
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird.
He is on our employee badge page. Kinda funny. Happy B-Day Chuck!
That is funny!
Chuck Norris put the “fun” in funeral.
Death kills bodies, Chuck Norris’ soul kills Death.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.