Posted on 02/28/2010 5:16:21 AM PST by reaganaut1
A lot of us have what is known as an “adult child.’’ It sounds like an oxymoron, but for those of us with offspring in their late teens and early 20s, the emphasis is more on the “child.’’
During the holidays, when my son (18) and daughter (23) were home, the house was full in most ways but empty in others. Empty tank of gas in the car. Empty roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. Empty pitcher of juice in the fridge. Out of fairness to my daughter, I should note that much of this was her brother’s doing.
Science says an 18-year-old’s brain isn’t fully developed. My own research bears this out. To wit: My son, despite my frequent reminders, forgot his contact lenses on a recent family trip to Peru. When we got there, after flying from Boston to Washington, Washington to Miami, Miami to Lima, and Lima to Arequipa - an 18-hour odyssey - we immediately had to find a drugstore and get the lenses. This was after my husband had contacted our son’s eye doctor, who had to fax a prescription there.
Spaciness, of course, extends to both genders. Take my daughter’s best friend, who was staying with us before flying out to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. About an hour before we were to leave for the airport, I heard a scream. “Oh my God, I’ve forgotten my money!’’
It was Sunday afternoon. No banks were open. Her parents live in another state. Worse, the group organizers in Africa required the money to be in $100 bills, none dated before the year 2000. You do not want to know how my husband managed to solve that dilemma in an hour. I’ll just say it was all legal.
(Excerpt) Read more at boston.com ...
At the end of the article the author says the kids have a strong work ethic?
Not the ones I have worked with. They are lazy, inconsiderate and undependable.
I understand more and more employers are starting to hire people over 30 more and more.
I probably shouldn’t have enjoyed this comment as much as I did. I am still chuckling.
AND they probably really did it too.....
Their kids (us) had to live very frugally, no extravanganzas, no frills, B&W TV's, the whole shooting match. Well, here comes the BB (Baby boomers), now begin parenting back in the, say, 1960's to 1990's.
"By G*D my kids are NOT going to have to put up with what I had to put up with;ie, THEY will have EVERYTHING I did NOT have when I was a kid..."
And THERE you have it!!
We not only gave our kids EVERYTHING we practically PROGRAMED them in to an entitlement generation. Instead of "what can I do to help to pull my weight" their whine became "What are you going to do FOR ME right now?"
Helicopter parents don't create responsible, hard working citizens, they create "Homing pidgeons!!!
You do NOT have to be your "kids best friend!" Argh how I HATE to hear a parent tell me they think of their 14-21 year old child as "their best friend"... Stop it. They are your children, NOT your best friend. They NEED direction, they NEED discipline, they NEED parenting, NOT a best friend.
Oh, but I forgot, you have to work 50+ hours a week to pay off the big home, that new BMW, or that expensive wardrobe. Oh, hey, BTW, the kids are all in "kiddy kennels" or public schools from 8:00am to 5:30pm. No time to parent....
Oh well, just buy 'em the newest video game, or get 'em a new iPod... Yeah that works too, right? Isn't that parenting?
Add Dr. Spock at the top of the list. Now that I understand politically what’s happening, I’m convinced Dr Spock was a huge progressive, promoted by his fellow travelers to foster guilt in parents, ignorance in their children, and change the whole dynamic of raising children and dumbing down the education system - with no good results anywhere along the line.
I think the most important things we gave our son was encouragement to learn and do life skills. We didn’t make it seem like chores, more like fun projects.
He’s 21 now, has his BA and Masters, lives on his own, keeps a clean house, does a good job w/his laundry, can cook (when he wants to which isn’t often), is a great shopper and bargain hunter, changes his own oil and can maintain his car, can fix up about anything around the house from plumbing to recently installing a central vacuum system, knows how to do lawn work, pays his bills on time and after college got his own phone and insurance in his name and was smart enough to put them on autopay (LOL), works a full time job, has a great work ethic and saves for the future, he can shoot a gun, pilot and maintain a boat, spearfish (and always has fish on hand), plays a couple instruments for his own pleasure, etc. etc. etc..
We were generous when he was growing up, he didn’t lack for anything he wanted (actually he didn’t really want too much), but I think the main generosity that will benefit him in his life, is the generosity of my husband’s time. Due to his generosity with his time, he taught, nurtured, mentored, and instructed our son in life skills that will serve him well in the future.
“Is it any surprise as to why these kids cannot act as adults? Their parents keep rescuing them.”
Exactly! I see so many of my friends and co-workers whose lives are harder than they need to be, because they had “bailout” parents and never learned to take care of themselves.
The sad thing is that they are raising their own kids the same way.
Parents may choose to be there to help their children somewhat if they really end up in a tight spot, but they should not smooth over every little real or perceived bump in the road.
I remember when I moved out of my parents’ house. They told me, “Anyone can end up in a bad situation, and if you do, let us know. We will take you back - ONCE.” I learned to fix my own problems so I never had to cash in that ticket.
“On the other hand, boomer parents have been good role models for our children in other ways, including a strong work ethic and social activism. Our kids tend to be confident achievers, thanks to our obsession with education and, yes, ego.”
Greatest generation.
As for the fellow who made the comment about not hiring anyone over 30, you know, thanks. It’s nice to know that all of us young’uns are irresponsible!
How about giving some of us a chance so we can work and enjoy the fruits of our labour. I’m sure you were fully formed out of the womb responsible and that someone gave you a hand up.
Mommies mommy too much.
And dads bitch up.
sick world
I am constantly amazed when I observe white urban life.
90% of today’s Americans have nothing in common with our founders
I hope you are speaking your mind. You sound smarter than your grandkid’s parents.
I sure would and will if I live long enough.
there is a reason for that and you don't sound like it escapes you
Good idea, except now that the military is co-ed, its "time to be a man, son; do it or get your ass kicked by other men" potential must be horrifically diluted. Today's "adult children" males don't even have the military to turn to. Way back when, Lee Marvin, the spoiled son of two wealthy New Yorkers, was such a trouble-maker as a teen that he got kicked out of all kinds of schools. He was incorrigible; no one knew how to handle him. He joined the Marines and GREW UP. Granted, it was during WWII, and that had to convert boys into men double-quick, but how likely would it have "cured" Marvin or any other directionless, angry young man if he'd joined up and had a bunch of 19-year-old girls in the mix right next to him?
Off topic, I know, but maybe relevant to the whole prob with today's inept Yutes.
Yeah, I know, when I read it I was thinking, “Why didn’t the dad make the SON contact the eye doctor and take care of it?” That’s what my folks would have done, I think.
We’re retired now, and like most, come from the “Take care of yourself” generation. However,wven amongst “our kind” (cough) - 70s and over - there are some of our age that contine the bail outs.
We know of one woman in her 80s, whose husband died and left her well off, who has re-mortaged her house to “help” our her kids and grand kids. $100,00 went to “save” her daughter’s home in Las Vegas, only to see it evaporate when foreclosure came. Daughter is now nearer to mom and on welfare, while her lay-about husband “looks for work” in Colorado. Mommie is there EVERY day, most of the time shelling out bucks. Same outlay with other kids.
She is impervious to the rest of us telling her to cut them loose, so all we can do is watch her sink deeper into debt “for the kids”.
It’s a rough road for girls in the service. Personally I think establishing all female units would go a long way to solve the problem but throwing the romantic element into a group of 19 year olds just causes problems.
There is a reason that the mother bird pushes her baby birds out of the nest. Having never flown before they have choice: fly or die.
Im resigned I dont see an answer if anyone has any ideas plz tell me.
Schooling destroys common sense. It’s so obvious that it shouldn’t require proof.
Once kids are thrown, bound and gagged, onto the expressway of life, they begin to sober up —as long as they aren’t hit first.
God help you. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers, and I’m sure others here will too.
On the earthly plane, some people have to hit bottom before they get their heads screwed back on.
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