I was 18 when I tried to take my own life after being rejected by a girl I thought I loved. The trail that I walked up to that time included seeing my mother beaten, myself and my siblings physically and psychologically abused. My older sisters and brother were molested and I felt powerless to have anything in my life that loved me, I was unlovable
When she rejected me I was as clear as a bell, the pain was going to stop and that night was as far as I could go. I went home and consumed a massive amount of medicines I found in the medicine cabinet at home and sat down to die. I wanted the pain to go away more than anything.
For those about to tell me I needed God in my life I was a regular church goer, active in Christian youth and had accepted Jesus as my savior when I was in the second grade. I could not understand why I was going through all of this when I prayed to God to show me where he wanted me to go, to let me escape the daily walking on eggshells, never knowing where the next challenge was coming from. I dozed off and hoped for the best, I was fee.
I awoke the next day and suddenly realized what I had done, I was disappointed and ashamed at the same time. I promised God that day I would never try it again, no matter what he threw at me I would get through it. I talk to him every day and count on him but it is still very tough to do sometimes, they say God never gives you more than you can handle. Well, I think he knows something about me I don't, for even now the thoughts of getting rid of the painful parts of my existence can come into my head.
Someday God will tell me why it was this way, but for you to say it was caused by drugs is to be ignorant and uncomprehending of what anothers life may be to them. Walk a mile in their shoes, with their memories and awareness of life before you make statements like you have.
I only wish I could be as perfect as you, it must be nice to always be right.
great testimony. Thank you and God Bless.. some things in life are very difficult to sort out
Wow, thank you for sharing what must be difficult to talk about. I think God clearly does have a plan for you.