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Hilarious but extremely accurate Avatar review (salty language warning)
BigEmpire.com ^ | the Filthy Critic

Posted on 12/22/2009 5:57:38 AM PST by Thirteen

Epic sci-fi crap typically ain't my cup of tea. I get a lot of angry e-mails from people whose bottle of Mountain Dew it is. The notes are usually pretty threatening, as though me not liking something these people love is a matter of utmost importance. As though the fact some as***le with a web site doesn't care for what they do threatens the substance of their passion.

My nephew Jimmy is one of these people. He is spurred to action only when someone insults the s**t he likes. Then, his first reaction is to insult whomever doesn't share his opinion. The kid knows his sci-fi s**t, though, and he talks the fanboy language for whom Avatar is finally a reason to take a shower, pour on a bottle of Axe body spray, wear that homemade quilt sweater the Aunt gave them last Christmas and get out of the basement to go someplace other than Best Buy or Gameforce. I will be spending a lot of time with Jimmy over the next couple of weeks. Christmas is at his mother's, and I have to act like a nice guy if I want to be invited. I will because they spike the punch with grappa and always forget to lock the medicine cabinet. Two years ago I scored birth control pills that made me feel unbelievably pretty and a delicate for two months.

(Excerpt) Read more at bigempire.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Miscellaneous; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: avatar; critic; filthy; hollywood; moviereview; review; unobtainium
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To: humblegunner

Yes, I have seen it. As eye candy, the cgi was fairly impressive but the characterizations and story itself were trite and weak. If not for the violence and political moralizing, I would guess the movie was aimed at 10-year-olds. If Cameron was trying for subliminal with his message, he failed miserably.


21 posted on 12/22/2009 7:26:20 AM PST by Thirteen (You can lead a horse to drink, but you can't make it water.)
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To: qam1

Or the Harry Potter fan-atics. LOL!


22 posted on 12/22/2009 7:27:29 AM PST by Thirteen (You can lead a horse to drink, but you can't make it water.)
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To: Thirteen

“Beyond ripping off its plot from a cartoon for little girls, there’s a bunch of other shit I thought sucked the cat’s tits about Avatar. First is its patronizing vision of the indigenous people. It’s like Cameron was channeling some long-haired asshole who sells turquoise roadside near Sedona. The movie treats the natives as simpletons, idiot savants full of pure goodness and new-agey magical powers, the same way guilt-ridden white people of limited intelligence think of American Indians. Cameron gives them the ability to see into the hearts of others. As far as I know, the only people who believe nonsense like that are folks with shit to hide. They’re the ones who worry good people can see right through them.”

The Filthy Critic can certainly cut to the heart of it!

Glad to see he’s still doing reviews.


23 posted on 12/22/2009 7:28:02 AM PST by VanDeKoik (Iran doesnt have a 2nd admendment. Ya see how that turned out?)
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To: Thirteen
Some aspiring writer should re-dub and re-splice the movie into something worth seeing. There are amateur remixes of songs all the time, so why not movies? I couldn't possibly sit passively for 3 hours to get through this movie.
24 posted on 12/22/2009 8:02:15 AM PST by Reeses
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To: RightFighter
Unobtainium is a joke. An inside joke for engineers laughing at people that can't figure out that some things can't be built. You know, like the morons that ask why a whole plane is not made of whatever the 'black box' is made out of. It is the ultimate cop-out for a writer to unimaginative to come up with something for the plot. "I need this thing to be invulnerable. I know, magic! No this is sci fi... unobtainium!" Adamantium is similarly stupid but at least it requires more than a 2nd grade vocabulary to spot how big the handwaving is. Might as well call it ‘strong-ium’.
25 posted on 12/22/2009 8:58:25 AM PST by TalonDJ
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To: VanDeKoik

Never heard of the Filthy Critic before. Just checked out the web site. What a great read!!! Thanks for pointing this out.....C


26 posted on 12/22/2009 10:05:39 AM PST by colinhester
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To: colinhester

Glad to point out good sites/writers when I find them. He’s done a lot of reviews over the years and if you haven’t checked out his past reviews, there’s an archive section for hours and hours of fun reading: http://www.bigempire.com/filthy/archive.html


27 posted on 12/22/2009 10:31:46 AM PST by Thirteen (You can lead a horse to drink, but you can't make it water.)
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To: RightFighter
Criminy! Just call it wonderflonium and be done with it! Just don't bounce it for heaven's sake!
28 posted on 12/23/2009 7:27:38 AM PST by Stoutcat
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To: Thirteen

It is hilarious. He should do a cleaned-up version for general distribution


29 posted on 12/24/2009 2:45:27 PM PST by Paul Ross (Ronald Reagan-1987:"We are always willing to be trade partners but never trade patsies.")
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To: Thirteen
Yes, I have seen it.

Did they give you 3-D glasses?

30 posted on 12/24/2009 3:10:30 PM PST by Hot Tabasco (I want a hoochie-mama for Christmas, only a hoochie-mama will do............)
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