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I did think about it. Thought about it a lot. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep and wanted to get out of bed, but was afraid if I moved a muscle, I would literally beat my husband half to death. I wanted to, so bad. I had dreams where I was hitting him and hitting him and he was just laughing because I couldn’t hit him hard enough to hurt him the way I really wanted to (who says dreams don’t mean something?)

I’ve never raised my hand to anyone and I probably never will. I’m not physical. But boy, for a long time, if I hadn’t exercised every ounce of self control I have and then some, I could have done some serious damage. Hubby knew it too. He actually said he wished I would, just let my anger and hurt go and hit him if I wanted to. He felt he deserved it. But I couldn’t do it, even in the worst of it all. Can honestly say I’d understand how good swinging a 9 iron at someone would feel though.