Posted on 11/20/2009 7:21:50 PM PST by HokieMom
The insanity crept up on us slowly; we just wanted what was best for our kids. We bought macrobiotic cupcakes and hypoallergenic socks, hired tutors to correct a 5-year-old's "pencil-holding deficiency," hooked up broadband connections in the treehouse but took down the swing set after the second skinned knee. We hovered over every school, playground and practice field — "helicopter parents," teachers christened us, a phenomenon that spread to parents of all ages, races and regions. Stores began marketing stove-knob covers and "Kinderkords" (also known as leashes; they allow "three full feet of freedom for both you and your child") and Baby Kneepads (as if babies don't come prepadded).
The mayor of a Connecticut town agreed to chop down three hickory trees on one block after a woman worried that a stray nut might drop into her new swimming pool, where her nut-allergic grandson occasionally swam. A Texas school required parents wanting to help with the second-grade holiday party to have a background check first. Schools auctioned off the right to cut the carpool line and drop a child directly in front of the building — a spot that in other settings is known as handicapped parking.
(Excerpt) Read more at time.com ...
It is extremely difficult to come up with accurate numbers, but it's likely there aren't any more predators on children than 50, 100 or 200 years ago. I've tried to find good comparative numbers, without much success. If you have a reference, please let me know.
The perception of how common these types of things are is almost completely disconnected from actual rates.
For instance, most people believe crime is getting worse. In actual fact, it's been dropping for about 20 years.
Bill Watterson was a visionary. He saw all of these things 10 years ago. He was one of the few who just got it.
>>The perception of how common these types of things are is almost completely disconnected from actual rates. <<
Which has led to the “bubble-wrap my kid” syndrome.
In my day, if a kid was eating mud, the parents would just say “he’ll throw up or not.” Nowadays he would be rushed to the ER.
>>Here, this will cheer you up. The martian moves when you flip the pages! Watch, you can see him eat an astronaut! <<
OMG, I loved C&H! That is a classic example of why!
but to learn how to take care of themselves, to get along with others, to be a teammate, or to just plain dare I say it...FAIL...at anything....that's a no no...
we built tree houses and I think one of my brothers got a hammer dropped on his head at least twice while we built the fort...
the wood came from anywhere we could find...old rotted stuff but it worked well for us....
we used to have "wars" with the neighbor kids.....putting an apple on the end of a stick and flinging it really worked....LOL
I definitely think that fewer children are both a cause and a result of fearful parents. I don’t send mine off to the woods to hunt their suppers, but my older kids are allowed to go anywhere they can walk without getting on a main road, as long as they’re together and they tell me they’re going. The little boys (7, 5, 3) go to the playground across the street together (without me) once I’ve watched them cross the street safely.
As others have observed up the thread, some of the most highly-publicized frights are less statistically likely than they were when we were children. Some dangers are geographically affected - more shootings in the inner city than where I live. My main concern is traffic safety, and I also have the children go about in groups, which one can do with so many.
Thanks for your points. Well said.
Have yall seen the new TV commercial regarding Childhood Obesity?
I was shocked, it promotes letting your kids play outside! I thought it was a detergent commercial at first. I could not believe they had to do a t.v. commercial to enlighten people on kids playing outdoors and getting dirty!
Good article.
I haven’t seen it, but I do listen to an NPR show early on Saturday morning that for years has promoted letting children play outside. Parents can’t help but be concerned but it’s nice to see the pendulum swinging back toward common sense.
Especially for Time Magazine. I heard a reference to it on the radio and went and looked it up on their website.
One issue may be all of the one child families. With all of their "eggs in one basket", the one child family seems to obsess over what would appear to yesterday's parents as the most inconsequential things.
I live in a blue state and I very rarely see kids out on the street.
Thank you gw - that post describes my childhood very well.
I only had 2 siblings, but we still were kicked out of the house and told not to come home until dinnertime.
We lived out in the country, so we wandered about the woods and made our own fun.
There are times when I feel stretched and hope I am devoting enough time to each child.
You’ve helped me worry a little less about that today :)
I finally got time to read the whole article! There are a lot of very sensible points, although many are *so* common-sense that you wonder what planet people live on that they don’t notice themselves (for example) that getting rid of things is easier than buying a bigger house and moving.
I think the more important points were in the second half of the article, where it got past fear of kidnapping or broken arms and talked about parents’ fears that their children won’t be “successful.” As your post mentioned, the feeling that you as a parent are what determines your children’s lives is very stressful.
And there’s a lot of that in society. One of the mothers in my prayer group has been in a minor tizzy all year because her son is 18, going to graduate from high school, and he doesn’t want to go to college! He wants to go to trade school, learn a skill, and get a job. Her family can’t believe she would “let him” do that ... as if parents have a right to control adult children’s life decisions in that way.
One advantage I find in having a lot of children is that the first one teaches you so much. I learned that they’re going to do what they’re going to do, so you might as well have a drink and FReep, instead of struggling with a child who has a LOT bigger stake in his or her own life than you do.
That boy going into trade school may be smarter than the lot who are questioning the mom.
Plumbers and contracters are making more money than doctors and lawyers, and they don’t have the student loans and malpractice insurance to worry about.
Plus they can fix their own homes!
I’ve seen how different my siblings are though we were all raised the same way.
My children are all very different from each other.
As far as I can tell - it’s my job to identify my child’s strengths - his/her weaknesses, and guide him/her as best as I can.
But often they will naturally gravitate towards that all on their own.
I like your idea - when I sit down with my coffee while I FReep - that is when they’ve get to get their own brains activated right? LOL!
My parents tried to control what decisions I made and it didn’t go so well.
Yes, if you expose them to different ideas and activities, they will figure out for themselves what they like and what they’re best at.
Parents can pressure a child into attending college, but they can’t make him do well or graduate, although I guess some are trying to keep that level of control over a child who is away at school. A recent article said around 50% of students who start college don’t get a degree ... but after even one year as a resident student somewhere, most already have debt. Why do that to *yourself*, if you know your child has other ideas that are reasonably sensible?
The article talked about “admitting to being a bad parent,” but I think that’s a wrong approach. It’s not bad parenting to let your child do things for himself, or NOT do some things he doesn’t want to do. It’s simply being realistic about what can or should try to accomplish as a parent.
well honestly - who is going to define “bad parent”?
By what standard?
My standard is that you just stay in the game - keep doing your best to assess how best to help someone.
This notion that we can completely mold someone is part of the problem.
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