Hey honey have you gained
some weight in your rear-end?
That dress you wear reminds me
of my old girlfriend
And where'd you get those shoes?
I think they're pretty lame
Would you stop talking 'cause
I'm trying to watch the game
If you're a man who wants to live
a long and happy life
These are the things you
don't say to your wife
I planned a hunting trip
next week on your birthday
I didn't ask you 'cause I knew
it would be OK
Go make some dinner while
I watch this fishing show
I taped it over our
old wedding video
If you're a man who wants to live
a long and happy life
These are the things you
don't say to your wife
Your cooking is OK but not
like mother makes
The diamond in the ring
I bought you is a fake
Your eyes look puffy dear
are you feeling ill?
Happy anniversary
I bought you a treadmill
If you're a man who wants to live
a long and happy life
These are the things you
don't say to your wife
If your a man who doesn't want
to get killed with a knife
These are the things you
don't say to your wife
"You don't have the guts to pull the trigger, lard ass."