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And to further shock you:

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies.

[Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.]

1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’

2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’

3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’

4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’

5. ‘You know, in Arkansas , we’re now legally married.’

6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’

7.. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...’

8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’

9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’

10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’

11.. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’

12. ‘God, now I know why I am not gay.’

And the best one of all.

13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

Doctor: Have you ever had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you’ve got it again.

A man suffering from a severe case of flatulence goes to the doctor.
Man: Doctor, I have a terrible (FARRRT!) problem. I just can’t (FFFART!!) stop farting.

Doctor: That is an unusual complaint. Take off your clothes and lay, stomach down, on the couch.

The man does as he is told. The doctor examines him for a minute - the man farting all the time this is going on.

Doctor: Aha! This should be easy to cure. Excuse me for a moment.

The doctor goes over to a closet and pulls out a long pole with a sharp spike at one end.

Man: (FAART!) Oh my God! (fart..) What are you going to do with (FFFARTT!!) that?!

Doctor: I need to open a window.

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?” The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night.”