Replies

Doctor: Have you ever had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you’ve got it again.

A man suffering from a severe case of flatulence goes to the doctor.
Man: Doctor, I have a terrible (FARRRT!) problem. I just can’t (FFFART!!) stop farting.

Doctor: That is an unusual complaint. Take off your clothes and lay, stomach down, on the couch.

The man does as he is told. The doctor examines him for a minute - the man farting all the time this is going on.

Doctor: Aha! This should be easy to cure. Excuse me for a moment.

The doctor goes over to a closet and pulls out a long pole with a sharp spike at one end.

Man: (FAART!) Oh my God! (fart..) What are you going to do with (FFFARTT!!) that?!

Doctor: I need to open a window.

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?” The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night.”

When Bob was a young man, he joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane.
The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news.
“So, did you jump?” his father asked.
“Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!”
“Is that when you jumped?” asked his father.
“Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door.”
“Did you jump then?” asked his father.
“I’m getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he’d kick my butt.”
“So, did you jump?”
“Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, `Boy, are you gonna jump or not?’ I said, `No, sir. I’m too scared.’ “So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and He said, ‘Boy, either you jump out that door, or else...”
So, did you jump?” asked his father.
“Well, a little, at first.”