Rodeo Car could be prime ‘clunker’ trade-in

codyenterprise ^ | August 19, 2009 | Carole Cloudwalker

[JoeProBono]

I was thinking about how the “Cash for Clunkers” program could lead to some interesting discussions in Park County if the Stampede Board decided to trade in its behemoth rodeo car.

The federal program allows people to receive cash discounts, paid by the federal government, for people trading in old gas-guzzlers for brand new cars that get better gas mileage.

The better the mileage, the greater the discount.

There are plenty of limitations, including a limit on just how old the “clunker” can be to qualify.

Still, just imagine how the discussion might go if the board approached a dealer with a proposition about that loudspeaker-mounted beast that cruises Sheridan Avenue on summer evenings, touting the benefits of the Nite Rodeo:

Rodeo Car Driver: Howdy there, Mr. Salesman, I’m here to get some cash for this clunker (gesturing to Rodeo Car). We need to upgrade.

Salesman: Er, great. And, uh, pardon me, sir, but could you please lower the volume on that loudspeaker? We have a 200 decibel limit here at Happy Hour Motors, and our meter indicates your car is broadcasting at 500 decibels.

Driver: What did you say? Speak up, sonny. You have to talk up over this great cowboy music.

Salesman (shouting): I said please turn down that music. If a sound reaches 85 decibels or stronger, it can cause permanent damage to your hearing. A bulldozer idling generates 85 decibels, and you far exceed that.

Driver: (turns down volume.)

Salesman: Ah, thanks. Now how may I help you?

Driver: Well, we’d be interested in swapping this here Rodeo Car for one of those teensy-weensie little cars that get good mileage. It just has to be strong enough to carry a loudspeaker and a longhorn skypiece.

Salesman: Ah, yes, the horns. This IS a vehicle, not an animal or some kind of a hybrid, right? Because the Cash for Clunkers program requires crushing the clunker. We do not want to crush a cow, though. So messy. And it’s not PC. Red meat and all.

Driver: Nosiree, this is 100 percent machine. We just want her to look like a cow so’s to draw attention to the Nite Rodeo, you know. (Pats hood of Rodeo Car affectionately.)

Salesman: Well, ahem, I’m sure it’s effective.

Driver: Yup. Draws ‘em right in, just like grizzly bears to a side of bacon. Haw haw.

Salesman: Yes, well, you know there are some restrictions on the Cash for Clunkers program. How old is this car?

Driver: Well, the Rodeo Car was built during the Roosevelt Administration. That’s Teddy Roosevelt. Haw haw. But it runs great. It’s just a little poor on the mileage.

Salesman: What kind of mileage do you get with it?

Driver: Well, put it this way ��“ If I fill ‘er up at the Exxon station on Sheridan Avenue, it’s on empty by the time I get to the rodeo grounds. So it’s kind of spendy for the Stampede Board. But it’s good advertising, of course.

Salesman: Naturally. And would you be keeping those horns? They could damage the crushing equipment, I’m afraid.

Driver: Oh, those horns are chipped, so we are thinking to trade them in with the car, but we could keep ‘em if you want. They aren’t worn too bad. Just a few nicks on the tips. Those tourists wear some pretty heavy-duty duds, you know.

Salesman (horrified): No, I had no idea. You mean you’ve impaled some tourists with this car? Does the Chamber of Commerce know about that?

Driver (glancing around nervously): Shhh. The Stampede Board doesn’t like me talkin’ about that too much. They say it’s bad for business. And Cody is Rodeo, you know.

Salesman: Yes, I’ve heard that somewhere.

Driver: Besides, those folks were jaywalking. That’s illegal.

Anyways, I was thinkin’ that a little compact car like that one over there (gestures to a 2009 model) would make a good Rodeo Car. Does it come in Paint or Pinto markings? Or maybe Buckskin? A Buckskin’s a nice ride, and it matches my fringed jacket.

Salesman: Well no, sorry, we only have that model in red, blue and metallic green. Or white, of course. White is quite nice.

Driver: Yep. Like the Lone Ranger’s horse.

Salesman: What about those, er, speakers, sir? Will you be taking those with you?

Driver: Oh no. We’re planning to order new ones, with even better sound and higher volume. Travel is a bit peckish around Cody this summer, you know. We want to draw even more folks to the Nite Rodeo.

Salesman: You’ll be leaving the speakers on the car? So they can be crushed? In that case, we can bend the rules a little. It’s a sale.

[JoeProBono]

[JoeProBono]