[Slings and Arrows]

Being Mean To Telemarketers: Unethical Or Understandable?

Moral imperative.

[Darksheare]

I abuse telemarketers all the time.
So far I’ve had several tell me that I am [expletive] evil/insane/twisted/deviant/etc.
None of them will give me their phone number.
I don’t know why.

(Might be my mentioning keeping their souls in a chalcedony jar.)

[Lady Jag]

Terrorize telemarketer

Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

 

[ApplegateRanch]

If the number is not recognizable, or obviously spoofed (e.g. area code 000-) I do not answer.

If I answer and get the machine silence, I hang up.

If a human is there, unless they quickly (e.g. quinnipiac University Poll; Field Research Polling, etc) I.D. themselves and succinctly state their business, I demand to know immediate who they are and why they're calling—then either politely or otherwise hang up or listen, depending on their answer.

If they are a persistent and “prior business relationship” caller (e.g. CC issuer pushing “protection plans”, I hang up, then immediately add the number to my auto-rejection service at the phone company.

IF I have time and inclination, I'll punk them.

My favorite was the guy pushing septic tank enzymes. In my best Hillbilly accent, I began questioning him about what the product was for and what it did, then ended with, “Septic tank? We’uns aint got nothin' so fancy as one of them thaings; we'uns jess ran a pipe down to the crick!” Dead silence, then a click.

The irony of that is that when we sold that house and bought the ranch, THIS house DID “just have a pipe down to the (dry) creek! The only plumbing was a hand pump next to the kitchen sink, and the sink drain...black plastic pipe that ended up in the gully out back. We had to install a septic tank and fresh water cisterns & pump; and I had to retrofit plumbing and electric service. We kept the outhouse for “emergencies”.