Posted on 07/03/2009 6:59:08 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
July 4 Tea Party Preparation
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Following on the heels of the highly successful Tea (Taxed Enough Already) Parties, conservatives are again gearing up for a larger national set of Tea Party demonstrations set for July 4. CBS and CNN are of course preparing to ignore it.
After working so hard to extort more income from working Americans, Democrats will be on vacation that holiday weekend resting up for the next round of spending. The effort to spend trillions of dollars to ruin American health care will be front and center over the next two weeks which should give CNN and MSNBC plenty to cover up. The execs at CBS are praying for a natural disaster of some sort to provide an excuse for not covering either the incredible cost of the health care takeover or the Tea Party demonstrations.
Conservatives must build on the experience of last spring’s Tea Party events to be better ready to handle challenges this time around. Two weeks will pass quickly, so participants should get started now by assembling Tea Party preparedness kits. The purpose of the Tea Party kit is to have all necessary equipment ready to:
· show the family a good time on July 4,
· send a message about over taxation that the politicians can’t ignore,
· enrage as many of your leftist friends as possible, and
· enlarge your family’s carbon footprint.
Of course the real challenge is to convince the local news media to cover the event fairly. If they can even be coerced to attend, local media will be playing its ‘B’ team over the holiday weekend, so this may present some opportunities. Reporters who haven’t quite made it to the late evening newscast may see their opportunity to make the big time by demonstrating their leftist leanings out in the open or by actually covering the story.
No matter what the news media will try, conservatives need to be prepared. The following is a list of top ten items to include with your Tea Party Preparedness Kit. 
10. Flags – The Stars and Stripes need to be flown wherever possible this Independence Day. Leftists never understand the attachment to a symbol of American freedom and courage. As Obama plans to transform this day into ‘Dependence Day,’ a few reminders about original intent seem appropriate. Should liberals ask why you need to make such a show of your patriotism, tell them you will answer if they can find all 57 stars for each state Obama visited during the campaign.
9. T-Shirts – A particularly useful one that makes fun of the red and blue Obama ‘Hope’ posters will attract media attention. Practice Obama’s far off and distant, visionary look for that moment when television cameras point your way. Look off into the distance and then laugh. Lefties hate being laughed at.
8. Cell phones - Bring a list of the media offices to contact from the steps of the state capitol or whatever venue is appropriate. Should you not see a particular news station present, call ‘em! As the press release for the local Tea Party will have long since been thrown away, these members of the leftist intelligentsia will need reminding.
7. Video recorders - It is highly important to record TV interviews with participants. Television and radio editors will do everything possible to make participants look foolish, so an honest recording of the event is necessary. Should the local “Live at 5” crowd try to present the interview as a slap at conservatives, we’ll post the real video as a rebuttal. Keeping reporters honest requires filming them in their work. Like the Chicago CNN reporter that tried to embarrass Tea Party participants earlier this year, a home video of the event just made her look foolish.
6. Good picnic – preferably the traditional fried chicken – Meatless and gutless leftists express displeasure when humans consume meat products, so fry up a couple cluckers using Grandma’s recipe and consume loudly. Also bring paper and plastic plates and picnic goods. Expanding your family’s carbon footprint is a decent slap at ignorant Al Gore followers.
5. Water – Bottled in plastic convenience containers that are easily thrown away when liquid is consumed, water should be brought to the venue as one can be sure that the local liberal establishment won’t provide water and bathrooms like they did for the KKK rally. The slogan “forever in a landfill” is appropriate here because that is what should become of the Stimulus bill (not to mention the health care takeover).
4. Parking money – The remarkable degree of civility that marked the previous Tea Party events was measured in the organized fashion in which participants paid their parking fees. Patiently queuing up in an organized line without any government official telling them to do so testifies to conservatives’ ability to govern themselves. Liberals seem to need a government hack overseeing their every move. They also need ACORN members telling them where to park.
3. Air horns – These are particularly useful for upsetting counter protesters, ACORN members and ‘Citizen Journalists’ from the Huffington Post. Expect disgruntled leftists (the ones without hangovers) to be in attendance this time. Should they start to drown out speakers, participants should take a moment and have everyone blast their air horns at ‘em all at once. Liberals are good only at disrupting others. Conservatives must be prepared to respond. Besides.. it feels really good to - for once - be louder than a lefty.
See you there July 4th!
| Your Independence Level: High |
 You are definitely into doing your own thing. But you also wouldn't turn down help if you needed it. You follow your own path, but you don't do so blindly. |
Here for a change, but running right back out to work on the new house.
| Your Independence Level: High |
 You are definitely into doing your own thing. But you also wouldn't turn down help if you needed it. You follow your own path, but you don't do so blindly. |
Grace and class.
Going to Wal-Mart By Age
Scenario:
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house, mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know, the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to
get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20’s:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30’s:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and
Shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much
Else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40’s:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50’s:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy’s Bait & Beer Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms .’
In your 60’s:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your shoes The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50’s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don’t have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70’s:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don’t even notice the dog shit on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80’s:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what the hell it is you are looking for
. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.
But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.
The End
A guy is 70 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’ He looked around and couldn ‘t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say a gain, ‘Pick me up.’
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’
The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!’
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, ‘What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
‘Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.’
With age comes wisdom.
brilliant !
A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner..
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
| Your Independence Level: Very High |
 You cherish your freedom, and you resent rules. No one knows what's right for you as much as you do. You can take care of yourself... and you do a mighty fine job of it. |
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Boot it.
4. Make sure the guy who won't leave you alone can see the screen.
5. Open this message.
6. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
7. Then hit This Link
The Ant and the Grasshopper
*OLD VERSION*:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
***************************************************** *******
*MODERN VERSION:*
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while
others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of
the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is
stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when they sing, “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where
the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.”
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.
Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that
the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated
by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he
doesn’t maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who
terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote
No wagyu for you!
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