Uh......well, I'm only 45, but I'd otherwise be in a legal pickle, wouldn't I? 
Makes me think of that scene in 'Porky's':
'We call the police, and we have 'em send over one of their sketch artists.
And Miss Balbricker can give a description.
We can put up "Wanted" posters all over school.
"Have you seen this prick?"
"Report immediately to Beulah Balbricker".
"Do not attempt to apprehend this prick as it is armed and dangerous".
"It was last seen hanging out in the girls' locker room at Angel Beach High School".
