Posted on 06/08/2009 1:56:02 PM PDT by bdeaner
I am the stay at home mother of five children, four of whom are biologically mine. I’m asked quite often how the heck we get by. I almost never give an honest answer. To do so would only make the person asking the question feel belittled and make me sound superior and that’s not what I would ever want.
When I look at the world around me today I see so many lost little faces. Little people feeling disconnected and big people feeling like they missed out on something but knowing not quite what. I have friends who work fifty to sixty hours a week. They take two vacations a year and have two new cars. Their children all have the best video games and computers. They are very stressed people. I know parents that only work forty hours a week. Both parents mind you. They also have at least one new car and massive credit card debt to get their kids the latest games and phones and computers. They are very stressed people. The thing I find amusing is where these children can be found. Not where the brand new computers are, ours is many years and many repairs old. Not where the latest video game equipment is, we don’t own even one, wait I might still have an Atari. Yep, you guessed it, they’re all at my house, lamenting about their horrid math teacher or gushing about the hot guy in 3rd period while I’m stepping over a toddler and a husky (my pound rescue and my comic relief)trying to fit 2lbs of pasta into a pot designed for much less because my 5 year old is using the big pot for a homemade “science experiment.”. The children wandering in and out of our home range from 18 months to 20 years. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We live comfortably, no new cars, no state of the art electronics but we’re not walking or taking the bus and we have cable. How we manage to get by is very simple, we prioritized. I’m not sacrificing anything by staying home to raise my children. Even if I did have to take the bus, have no TV and do without meat in my meal plans 6 of the 7 days a week it still wouldn’t be a sacrifice. (If that sounded a little specific, it was, we have had to do those things and I’d do them again, happily. Ooooh, there’s a word not used very often in conjunction with doing without.)
One of the little ones spent the night a while back. She was about 4 at the time. We got up on Saturday morning and took inventory. The only thing in the house we had enough of to feed us all was the makings for French Toast. She asked to call her mother about half way thru, I said sure and overheard her call. She had called home absolutely amazed that there was another way to make French Toast. Mom. she said, did you know that some French Toast is made with bread and eggs? Aunt Becky didn’t even put it in the toaster! Sacrifice? Please. My children will be raised with my beliefs and morals, not whoever the daycare center has making minimum wage pretending to give a rats ass about my children. I’ll know them well enough to see warning signs of future trouble and they’ll know me and my expectations. It occurs to me that instead of asking how much a person would sacrifice to be a stay at home Mother/Father, the question should be do you know what you’re sacrificing by not being a stay at home Mother/Father.
As I sit here writing these things I know that I’m sounding a wee bit defensive. Yeah, I said wee bit, problem? Huh, well, Huh? OK I keeed, I keeed! This comes from a part of me that has listened to women in our government as well as media and business people that make raising ones own children sound like a job that’s not worth the time of a well educated, motivated individual. Like by choosing to take complete responsibility for what I have brought into this world is somehow hurting the the cause known as Womens Rights. I for one don’t think getting out from under a big hairy knuckled thumb to replace it with a dainty well manicured one is what the original bra burners had in mind.
Becky Parr has started The Ordinary Woman at rltopreviews.com . If you like what you have read here please take the time to browse through the web site. It is a place to submit any DIY tips or stories, be they funny or disastrous. Currently there are several pages dedicated to small repairs that are traditionally way over charged for that can be done with minimal tools and no special skill. Thanks for your support, Becky.
There's no way I can put a value on what we got in return for my wife staying home with our daughter.
This pretty much summs it up for the VPINTHEAK household. People sometimes question how we get by, but really, we are fine, have less debt, seem happier than a lot of other people I know, all with the MRS. staying at home. It both can, and should be done. The children will be better off for it.
Kudos! We’re both stay at home parents. We run our business from home. Makes for awesome time with the twins!
Good story...for me to poop on! < / Triumph>
my hubby is an over-the-road trucker who is home weekends and once or twice during the week. i am a stay at home mom. i know many people who both work full time and leave their kids with someone else to raise. and yet we have more financial security and flexibility than them. we have a budget but it isn’t severe strict. i raise my kids and would not allow someone else that priveledge in a million years. i am impressed with you for the 5, i have 2 and it is sometimes a challenge to get everything done. cheers to you!!
People who think I sacrificed to stay home with my children have a skewed view of motherhood. I refused to sacrifice my children for the vanities of the world.
I wasn't able to be a SAH mom until we moved to Nevada three and a half years ago. My daughter was almost 15 when I finally was able to stay home with her. Our youngest was in Kindergarten.
We are so blessed that I can stay home now. The last few years with my daughter have been wonderful. These were such important years in her life and to be there for her has been wonderful for both of us.
Our 8YO son is very excited that mom can help out at school any time they need me, I can go on field trips and I'm there every single day when he gets home. I wouldn't trade these days for anything.
Good explanation. I agree.
I have stayed at home for the last 10 years. My oldest is 12. Middle guy is 7 and my daughter is 3. I’m considering going back to work after the summer. The way things are heading in this country, I feel like I need to get back in there so we can save more money. I have clerical skills so I will probably have to do something along those lines. The oldest two are in school so I would have to make arrangements with relatives for the little girl or find something I can do at night.
>>My children will be raised with my beliefs and morals, not whoever the daycare center has making minimum wage pretending to give a rats ass about my children.<<
The dirty little secret that is the elephant in the room.
I used to sit for two girls and had a two year old. When all three cried, guess who I cared for?
It’s all in your attitude. If you think what you’re doing is inferior to some alternative, you’ll be a grump. How is that fun? I don’t even think getting up at night to feed a baby is a “sacrifice.” I get to watch “Walker, Texas Ranger” in peace, and I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
My wife went stay-at-home shortly after our second was born.
It’s been fine so far but now she wants to send both to private school. . . and who can blame her (we live in Kalifornia.)
Sad thing is: ‘tain’t gonna happen on my salary.
/sigh
ping
I never thought it a sacrifice to put my children first.
Homeschooling? Kindergarten is REALLY easy.
The sacrifice catches up later on when tuitions cannot be afforded, aged cars cannot be replaced, colleges admitted to cannot be attended etc. etc.
Throw in an unplanned expense such as unexpected admission to a private high school and it does lead one to question one’s decision.
Now add the crappy economy on top of that and it gets downright scary.
FWIW I still think we made the right decision, but there most definitely is a sacrifice.
I stayed at home with my kids for a number of years, and even after the divorce my husband and I both felt I should stay home longer, as it would be too cruel to put a sick toddler in daycare. I wasn’t sacrificing; it felt like one big ongoing party, a continual delight. I wish to gracious I could live like that again—nothing is more delightful than raising kids and taking care of the house. It was great while it lasted.
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