Posted on 04/03/2009 5:16:23 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
That smile on BO’s face reminds me of an old political cartoon I saw back when Jimmah was running for President.
All frames were of Carter’s face with the trademark big toothy smile.
“Hi! I’m Jimmy Carter. And I need your help. A very special kind of help. You see, for the past 6 months............
I’ve had this coathanger stuck in my mouth.
Found on a US Navy enlisted performance evaluation.....
“Has rather acerbic and often antisocial personality which keeps him in trouble with his peers and superiors on a regular basis.”
You just made my Friday! I’m sending that to some friends...
The following article was written anonymously by a mother who lives in Austin, Texas, USA. It is about things that she has learned from being the mother of small boys. 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound [3 stone] boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 foot room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy. 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15. VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens 20. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time. 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. 25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without permission. |
Lewis, an Alaska defense attorney, arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, “What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it.” And on and on and on..
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. His wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all and Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day her husband must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. “They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed, “FOR THE LOVE OF HEAVEN, WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?”
One that I put into an evaluation on one of my troops while in the Air Force:
“Has difficuty when faced with situations that require abstract thought and deductive reasoning. Counseling brings immediate results but regresses to past behavior when left unsupervised.”
I am the proud owner of a kindergarden report card that reads ‘Does not work or play well with others”.
Maybe Soros is spreading some peanut butter in his mouth like Hollywood did for Mr. Ed.
Here’s a fun trivia, Joe. That’s one of three identical statues of Old Hickory. Do you know where the other two are?
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A carton of 2% milk,
A doz eggs,
A jug of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A can of coffee, and
A package of bacon.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
We are sooo bad, GF!
Do a little photoshopping and put George Soros’ face on the King and we would have the Puppet Master and his puppet.
Ha!
I WANT THAT IN A BUMPER STICKER!!! LOL
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