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Post some good jokes

Posted on 03/29/2009 7:41:27 PM PDT by A_cool_guy

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To: NicknamedBob; SandyInSeattle
Ah. A person then. Thanks.

Snowing at home when I left.

541 posted on 04/03/2009 8:54:22 AM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: Monkey Face
YEP.

free dixe SMOOCH,sw

542 posted on 04/03/2009 9:13:49 AM PDT by stand watie (Resistance to TYRANTS is OBEDIENCE to God. T. Jefferson, 1804)
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To: Monkey Face
fwiw, i do NOT care at all what religion he is BUT i do care GREATLY that he is a LIAR, a FASCIST, a HYPOCRYTE & a CROOK.

it's going to be a LONG 4 years, imVho.

free dixie,sw

543 posted on 04/03/2009 9:36:06 AM PDT by stand watie (Resistance to TYRANTS is OBEDIENCE to God. T. Jefferson, 1804)
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To: sionnsar; Dead Corpse; Tax-chick; Pippin; Darksheare; All

I’m here. Lucky me, I’m all done with my errands. I got up “early” and was out of the house 45 minutes later. I had to wait for the credit union to open, but that’s OK...I was outta there in three minutes.

Now I can unlax for a bit.


544 posted on 04/03/2009 9:39:48 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.)
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To: Monkey Face

Lucky you. I’m still dragging.


545 posted on 04/03/2009 9:57:49 AM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: sionnsar

I didn’t say I was doing great. I just said I was done. And oh-so-thankful!

I had to fight the wind every step of the way. It’s because of the storms up your way. :o|
With luck I can stay put for a couple of days.


546 posted on 04/03/2009 10:01:02 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m not awake yet.


547 posted on 04/03/2009 10:03:34 AM PDT by Darksheare (Tar is cheap, and feathers are plentiful.)
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To: Darksheare

I drive in my sleep. I’m just not rich enough to get away with it.


548 posted on 04/03/2009 10:39:01 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.)
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To: Monkey Face

I supposedly talk in my sleep.
And give intelligent well thought out answers to questions.


549 posted on 04/03/2009 10:47:17 AM PDT by Darksheare (Tar is cheap, and feathers are plentiful.)
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To: Darksheare

I only talk in my sleep when I’m exhausted. But thankfully, I always wake myself up!


550 posted on 04/03/2009 10:49:44 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.)
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To: Monkey Face; sionnsar; Dead Corpse; Tax-chick; Darksheare; All
Good afternoon!

I shall endevor to maintain typing integrity for the sake of this thread's moral sanity

551 posted on 04/03/2009 11:39:42 AM PDT by Pippin
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To: sionnsar; Dead Corpse; Tax-chick; Pippin; Darksheare; All

Except for cheap tricks!


552 posted on 04/03/2009 11:41:19 AM PDT by Pippin
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To: Pippin

Oookay... *\;-)


553 posted on 04/03/2009 12:58:40 PM PDT by sionnsar (Iran Azadi | 5yst3m 0wn3d - it's N0t Y0ur5 (SONY) | "Also sprach Telethustra" - NonValueAdded)
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To: sionnsar

The first half of the comment was in #551 git!


554 posted on 04/03/2009 1:45:45 PM PDT by Pippin
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To: Pippin

Evening, all. I went to bed after a meeting at church earlier. Wednesday was happy.


555 posted on 04/03/2009 2:39:26 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." ~Sam Brown)
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To: Tax-chick; Pippin; Harmless Teddy Bear; sionnsar; Darksheare; DJ MacWoW; Lady Jag
"Evening, all. I went to bed after a meeting at church earlier."

So many inspirational opportunities, so little interest from my purchasing public ...

556 posted on 04/03/2009 3:00:53 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (Panicked at seeing Scarecrow twitching and shaking, Dorothy unplugs the teleprompter. "Uh, um, er .")
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To: Tax-chick

Hello!
I hope you and Wednesday enjoyed your afternoon.
I made a small turkey roast and have eating it a little at a time with jam.
I also took my bed apart and leaned it against the wall, and will now start sleeping on the floor. Hopefully, it will help my back.

;o]


557 posted on 04/03/2009 3:02:25 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.)
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To: NicknamedBob

You mean, it’s not “hot off the press?”
*sigh*


558 posted on 04/03/2009 3:07:12 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.)
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To: NicknamedBob

 


A
White Lie Church Cake

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this -- especially all the ladies who bake for church events.

Alice was to bake a cake for the churchwomen’s group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.

Before she left the house,
Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.

Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.

After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.

Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say .

"Thank you, I baked it myself."

 

 

 

559 posted on 04/03/2009 3:11:40 PM PDT by Lady Jag (Obama - Hezbollah - Al Qaeda - Stone Age)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; sionnsar; Dead Corpse; Darksheare

Here’s a puzzle for you. I have often said that the way to fortune is to find something you’re good at, that others are willing to pay you to do, and that you enjoy doing. Success is assured, right?

Suppose you have a super power, but you can’t figure out a way to make it pay for itself. What good is it?

You comic geeks may remember that Peter Parker, the Amazing Spider-Man had this problem. He became a photographer.

I have a character who can read minds. What good does it do him? How can he make an honest living?


560 posted on 04/03/2009 3:18:40 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (Panicked at seeing Scarecrow twitching and shaking, Dorothy unplugs the teleprompter. "Uh, um, er .")
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