2008 DARWIN AWARD WINNERS!

Unknown ^ | 2-26-09 | Unknown

[Dick Bachert]

You've been waiting for them, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he ha d placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed i nto the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber an nounced a hold-up, and fired a few w ild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

[VA_Gentleman]

This is a rehashed email and came out a few years ago. Looks like someone changed the date to 2008.

[antiRepublicrat]

Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.

Target practice is in order.

[tgusa]

You’re absolutely right about needing a laugh!

[tatsinfla]

there would be on your face too if you had just crapped 200 lbs....lol...

[Zuben Elgenubi]

LOL

[joe fonebone]

bump for later

[DrNo]

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema stimulus package when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

[JennysCool]

Yup. It’s an ancient one that’s sent around endlessly. For the REAL new “Darwin Awards” it’s easy enough to go to http://www.darwinawards.com/

[wiggen]

went to the site- the firearms story is from 1990
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1993-06.html

[throwback]

So when the guy lost his foot, nature was selecting one foot as optimal I take it. I guess that would mean a smaller footprint in mine fields and such, and so improved “fitness”. Hmm. Sounds as plausible as global ... I mean climate change I guess.

[GreyFriar]

ping

[Dick Bachert]

They said I was gullible. And I believed them.

[The Good Doctor]

"First Place: All those who voted for Obozo!!"

Unfortunately those genes are alive and stupid; and will be spread like wildfire.

[zot]

Thanks for the ping. Apparently these are old. I haven’t seen the current awards.

[Designer]

"I thought to make the list, these Einstein's had to die, no?"

Actually, the rule is; that they have die through their own stupid actions BEFORE they reproduce.

The older ones, while admitedly stupid, might have already reproduced, therefore without verifiable proof that they have not produced progeny, they should be disqualified.