Posted on 02/26/2009 5:16:21 AM PST by dennisw
My cousin's son is in 12th grade and going to college next year
GOAL!!!!---that he not goof off in college like he has in high school. He is obsessed with on line poker (no other computer games are involved)
Question--- why should his parents put forth a full effort (pay all tuition and room and board) when he won't put forth full effort to get As and to excel
Question
What proportion of college--- top 20 private school ---$50,000/year ---should he pay? 50% perhaps?
Question ---- should they (bribe!!!) have a reward system where the better the grades are the less of the $50,000 he has to account for by student loans or working?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
------ Parents are conservative and will look at answers and are very interested in your opinions ....
---- Father is dentist on Long Island NY. Mother keeps busy
----Lazy relatives son---
----plays poker on line all the time...not other computer games
---- plays late at night
---- he is in HS senior year already accepted to college
---- never had summer job
---- will not get one this summer the boy says but actually just got a tutoring job (some classmate maybe)
--- parents can afford to pay all tuition and room and board
----BUT are seriously thinking of insisting that he pay a large part (maybe half) by taking out loans and working---- because he is lazy......
----and want him to have "skin in the game" to put a constraint on the on line poker
----- OTHERWISE he will be quite content to just get B and C when he is far more capable and this limits what grad schools he can get into
----- And they resent paying full freight when he will not put forth the effort to get A grades
--- College which is $50,000 and three thousand miles away
---private college
---- has claimed to me he will be studying statistics and economics
----- only child
--- very very very high SAT of the 2400 kind
--- bad lazy attitude over all
----- laziness started in 10th grade he is in 12th now
---- Involved in on line poker ever since 10th grade and this is when bad lazy attitude started
---- not socializing enough with peers
HIS PARENTS ARE VERY WORRIED ABOUT WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO IN COLLEGE!!!
“HIS PARENTS ARE VERY WORRIED ABOUT WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO IN COLLEGE!!!”
Why worry, its pretty obvious he will party, skip class and not study.
yep, those ivy league schools are worth every penny.
Zero %.
Tuition paid for by daddy is not tuition or education valued.
Let him do a tour in the military, and then go to school as a man, instead of a boy.
My son had to join ROTC, and I had to scrape together his room and board. Zero, make him earn it.
I think it’s a bit late to be worried about that.
About 2 years ago would have been a good time to amend bad habits.
Make him go to SUNY Stony Brook
Good school. Good math department. Affordable
Let him transfer to his private school after he proves himself the first year.
Pay nothing!!!
After HS graduation, tell him to “find a job and apartment. Call your mother now and then. Good luck son.”
Time for parents to belly up and give their son a lesson in adulthood.
They’ll never have a better opportunity than this one moment.
If they are lucky he will crash and burn the first year saving three years of expensive tuition (been there done that...once with each kid!). The real question is what happens after he moves back home...will they give him money or make him work for it? And how long will they let him freeload at home?
After 4 years of serving. Son, a recruiter would like to talk with you.
Send him to community college for 2 years. If he straightens out his act and gets good grades, then send him to the 4 year school.
The dirty little secret in academics is that a kid that goes his first 2 years to a community college, than transfers to a 4 year school, will have the same degree that a kid who went to the 4 year school the whole time.
Why people pay 30k a year + for English 101, Soc 101, History 101, and Gym credits is beyond me.
With our kids, they got about 1/3 in scholarship money, 1/3 in student loans that they had to pay back and we paid 1/3.
They value the education a lot more if they know that they have to pay for it out of their own pockets.
Our son went to local schools (granted we have 3 major universities in the area), so he lived at home.
He could have chosen to go away, we just weren’t going to pay for it because the he didn’t need to, in order to attend a good university. Consequently, he’s 20, a year into his Master’s degree, and has no student debt (he always was able to secure tuition free classes, through dual credit, scholarship, and graduate assistantship.)
Just from my observation of friends and family who have sent their 18 year old boys away to school...if they are having a problem (alcohol, drugs, addiction to online games) at home, it is multiplied at school. Many flunk out in their first year, or at least get put on probation for their grades.
If it was me, I’d deal with the kid’s addiction issues first,, and once he’s proved himself, then maybe consider paying for his school.
Just MHO, but making him take out student loans won’t make him “responsible.” Kid’s don’t worry about that debt, they have no concept of the real world, and the debt repayment is so far in the future, it doesn’t affect their behavior.
remember who will take care of you when you are old. /sarc
We reap what we sow. I agree with Travis. A high school graduation handshake, some help packing his bags for boot camp or basic training and zero dollars as he heads out the door.
Correct! How will a child ever learn responsibility? People are so brainwashed that parents should BUY everything for their children. You should see the looks I get when I tell people my daughter payed for her car with her own money....they reply “why”? WTH, it teaches them to appreciate the things they earn.
Kind of like when my wife and I built our deck...it’s not perfect, but pretty darn good. We saved $5,000-$7,000 and the satisfaction of..”wow, we did that...”! We typically say “remember when the inspector wanted to make us pull up this or that, but we proved that it was done right...” And we laugh!
Something to be said about earning things and the satisfaction of working to get it and not always GETTING it handed to you!
Screw it. I wouldn’t cover any more than half, and would be inclined to tell him if he doesn’t maintain a 3.1+ GPA, he’s toast.
More likely, I’d make him do a tour in the military to prove he’s worth the quarter mil PLUS he’ll end up costing ma & pa before he’s done.
Who says that the son has to go directly to college after high school? I think the best thing to do is make junior go out into the workplace after high school and learn what it means to earn his keep and meet responsibilities in the world. They don’t have to kick him out of the house, but he should be required to pay rent as well as contribute to the food budget as needed. I have found that a dose of reality will sometimes shake someone up enough to see the light. If junior doesn’t straighten up after that, he should be told that the best thing he could do is learn a good trade or find some scholarship program that he might qualify for. If his parents are still determined that he go to college at that point and junior can’t get a scholarship, point him to the nearest community college and tell him to give it his besst shot. This boy is not OWED a college education at his parent’s expense...escpecially when he shows no signs of determination or gratitude.
Seriously- tell them to check out the Dave Ramsey web site and to attend a local Financial Peace University group. This will give them ideas, a plan, and MORAL SUPPORT to plan for their future and to do the right thing-
which is that this young man GET A J-O-B and pay all or an agreed part of his own way to college.
Online gambling is as serious an addiction as any other addiction. Their son does not sound psychologically healthy enough to attend university, especially with them paying all of his bills.
A good friend of mine from childhood became addicted to poker (the face ot face games, not online) while in college.
He paid much of his tuition by gambling. Great, huh?
Well, his addiction stayed with him and grew as he graduated and went to Law School, built a career and started a family. He got mixed up with the wrong people. They began to threaten him and the people he loved if he did not pay his debts.
He committed suicide on a New Years eve.
His wife and 6 week old baby found him in their garage.
His law partner found out he had mortgaged away their law office building.
His mother found that he had looted her retirement savings.
He was 31.
Tell your friends they need to attend Gamblers Anonymous if their son will not go with them go alone. The least they can do is to take steps to protect themselves, financially, from their son’s addiction.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.