****The Official Friday Silliness Thread****

[Lucky9teen]

Cue music ~ (Pink Floyd - Money)



California is in the hole for $42 billion, so a budget has been proposed. I’m no financial expert, but when you have no money, and no prospects of making money, and you owe $42 billion, you’re way beyond putting yourself on a budget. I think you’re looking at faking your own death.

People say the problem with the budget is that they don’t understand what’s in it. Well of course they don’t. Look who’s explaining it to them — Arnold Schwarzenegger!

President Obama signed the stimulus bill in Denver, Colo. He picked Denver because our debt is now a mile high. It’s symbolic.

Terrible economy. Terrible. If you have any money left, do what I do: Invest in foreclosure signs.

Even Donald Trump has said he would like to reduce his debt. I say, How about reducing the size of that thing on your head?

Obama has addressed two of the three problems he said he would to avert a financial crisis . . . the first was to get the stimulus package passed, the second was the housing crisis, and the third is to get all of us to eat our pets.

Things are bad in California. Gov. Schwarzenegger has done everything he can to get fellow Republicans to back his plan because it involves a tax increase. He told them he’d be back; he’s said, “Hasta la vista, baby”; he even threatened to terminate them.

Reports say that President Obama is moving towards the Swedish models of banking. A president moving towards Swedish models? That hasn’t happened since the Clinton administration.

Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10. Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something
9. Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler
8. Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"
7. Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors
6. Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits
5. Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso
4. Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy
3. Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products
2. Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"
1. Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit Obama's national debt." -- Tip o'the hat to Herbert Hoover

Based on his performance in office so far, President Obama should do just fine on his future tax returns. After all, he will be able to write off his second term.

It's too bad that we can't buy stock in the federal tax system. With Obama as president that will be only thing sure to go up.

President Obama is angrily calling for more federal tax increases. He just heard from his advisors that some American taxpayers weren't completely broke yet.

The best things in life are free but President Obama's tax advisors are working hard trying to solve that problem.

Barack Obama isn't planning on buying TurboTax®. Obama can turbo charge our taxes all by himself.


President Obama's tax return should list Bill Ayers and Reverend Wright as dependents.

President Obama plans to start printing income tax forms on Kleenex, so it will be easier for us to pay through the nose.

President Obama has just announced that he has a new plan to simplify the tax code. From now on only the Republicans will have to have to pay any taxes.

Q. Who should be listed as the most expensive dependent on your tax return?
A. President Obama.

President Obama will make it a lot easier for most people to do their income taxes next year. No jobs, no income.

Under Obama everyone in America will be working for the government. Democrats will be on the payrolls and Republicans will be on the tax rolls.

In the interest of full disclosure, President Obama's should declare all of the fawning media coverage he's received so far as a gift on his tax return.

Despite what some people are claiming, this country is just as free under the Obama presidency as it ever was . . . unless you happen to be a taxpayer.

If President Obama listed free enterprise on his tax return, it would have to be listed as a liability. That's because he just writes it off.

Today the IRS released new guidelines on how to avoid audits while Obama is the president. Number one - Don't list excessive deductions. Number two - File your return on time. Number three - Register to vote as a Democrat.

Judging by his wild spending so far, President Obama has apparently decided that it is easier to trim the taxpayers than to trim federal spending.

Don't think of it as paying more taxes. Think of it as giving Obama a big tip.

Thanks to President Obama we will become a more honest people. Once we're all jobless there won't be any point in lying on our tax returns.

Next year's "stimulus" tax return will fit on a postcard.
* How much money did you make?
* Mail it in.

President Obama intends to reward ambition. With higher taxes.

Now that Obama is the President you can still get ahead if you get up early in the morning, work late every day and hit the lottery.

[r-q-tek86]

You Are 100% Likely to Survive Another Great Depression

At least until the next election cycle...

Could You Survive Another Great Depression?

[Monkey Face]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. ‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’ So he tied her up and went golfing.

*****************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!’
The husband said, ‘Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’ ‘Doesn’t matter,’ she said. ‘Just get out.’

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

*************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters
‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’ ‘Can you read this?’ the optician asked. ‘Read it?’ the Polish guy replied, ‘I know the guy.’

***********************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.’ ‘Thank God,’ said an elderly nun at the back. ‘I’m so tired of chardonnay.

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’ The wife stared at him.

‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

[r-q-tek86]

It was the eating questions that killed my score. I don’t thing we’ve ever had two weeks worth of food in the house.

I have a fifteen year old son in my house... if we had two YEARS of food... he'd eat it right after he got home from school... and still be hungry for dinner.

We tell him that it is not our job to fill him up... just to keep him alive.

[pookie18]

http://www.benjerry.com/features/yespecan/

[r-q-tek86]

‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

I'm trying to decide if it is worth the fight to send this to my wife.

[r-q-tek86]

Hey, Pookie... good to see you.

[OregonRancher]

“Based on the fact that everyone here is pretty much in the sixties I think the only ones who would get the 80% and up score are independently wealthy survival types who have a five acre garden and 20,000 rounds of ammunition handy.”

Count me in, your post fits us to a “T”, score 86

[Monkey Face]

LOL!

If you do, throw your hat in the house when you open the door tonight!

‘Face

[r-q-tek86]

I own...

[r-q-tek86]

This page

[Darksheare]

My dear sweet coworker still believes the Obamessiah will GIVE HER money.
She sincerely believes this, just like a kid believes in the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus.

[Monkey Face]

Yepper. Got a real smart one there!!
I bet she still believes in the Fountain of Youth and El Dorado.

As soon as things start actually to come into being, Obamabots will wonder what hit them.

[dragonblustar]

Funniest Thread ever!

[pookie18]

Backatcha, r-q-tek86 (spikey?)

[Darksheare]

It’s hysterical to sit and watch her bloviate about ‘the one’ while having absoluetly zero idea what it is that he is doing.

[Monkey Face]

I bet she takes all his blathering lies as personal promises just to her alone.

[Pan_Yan]

I must respectfully disagree. Look at the archives for some of the old OFST where the moderator had removed at least ten comments and someone got banned. Too bad there isn’t an adult section at FR where you can see the stuff that got removed.

[Lucky9teen]

[r-q-tek86]

Yep... I used to get friendly warnings all the time.