Posted on 10/24/2008 6:19:27 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
ToothbrushesDentists and orthodontists should not be allowed to celebrate Halloween if they're going to get all tooth doctory on us. Do not bring your work home with you, folks! We all have a personal responsibility to brush, and maybe some of us will forget, but your complimentary bristles on a stick (instead of a Snickers) will not help us remember. It will make us despise you and your trade. |
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RaisinsLittle boxes of stuck-together shriveled globs are not what little kids schlep around the neighborhood for all night. When they say trick-or-treat, they want candy that will rot their teeth, not wrinkled grapes. (Using an empty box as a kazoo-like instrument, though, is kinda fun.) |
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Candy CornThe most polarizing candy of all. The fruitcake of Halloween; it just never goes away. If you love them, fine. But don't subject the rest of us haters to the sickeningly sweet triangle that tastes like neither candy nor corn. |
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Smarties and Necco WafersThese chalky candies are supposedly "fruit-flavored," but no fruit I know tastes like dust -- and makes everything eaten after taste like dust, too. |
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Dum Dum LollipopsUsually, foods on a stick are yummy (corn dogs, ice pops), but Dum Dums just can't be included on that list. Not even if they were breaded and deep-fried and served at a fair. |
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ApplesLong before "poisoned candy" scares, evil people were handing out apples instead of candy on Halloween. This disappointing "treat" is the main reason to avoid unwrapped food while trick-or-treating. |
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Tootsie RollsIt looks like chocolate and sort of smells like chocolate, but the mini brown tubes are not real chocolate. They taste like watered-down chocolate, and have a chewy texture that will strip the fillings right off your molars. |
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Miscellaneous, Wrapped Hard CandiesHalloween is supposed to be a holiday for young people, not senior citizens who suck on hard candies all day. Something about the strawberry-shaped strawberries, gold-wrapped butterscotch, and peppermint feels past the expiration date. (These usually get set aside for Granny.) |
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Laffy TaffyI do not laffy when I get these. I sobby. I get depressedy. Because it gets all stucky to my teethy and doesn't even taste that goody. |
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Anything Fun-SizedWho started calling it this? Since when is one bite fun?! Give us the rich houses with the sprawling driveways and full-sized candy bars any day. Portion control doesn't need to start this young. |
Whew! Thanks.
Yikes, you expecting me to learn something on a day that is reserved for silliness? ;-)
Actually, I always internally debate as to whether I want to become proficient at posting. I only have computer access while at work and as a result I don’t want to dedicate to much time to FR.
expect to find them shoved under your tires for the next month :P
Turtles.
I think we should take all the candy from all the kids and pass it back out equally. We can call it.....redistributing the candy!
Did you ever get any of these in your trick or treat bag?
HAHAHAHA!!!!! How do you like your eggs?
LOL! Perfect..
That can be a crown-grabber....
Now that’s funny!
Apples were the curse in my day. As soon as the door closed we’d launch them towards the heavens to get that pleasurable splat.
hEY!! tURN OFF YOUR caps lock!!!!
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