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How to help your child cope with a bully
CNN.com ^ | 25 August 2008 | Judy Fortin

Posted on 08/25/2008 8:34:10 AM PDT by Moose4

A week before the start of the new school year, principal Denise Magee roamed the hallways of Campbell Middle School in Smyrna, Georgia, preparing for battle.

The adversary? Preteen and teenage bullies.

Toting anti-bullying posters and masking tape, Magee was determined to let students see from Day One that she had a zero-tolerance policy when it came to that kind of harassment.

"Middle-school kids are just cruel to each other," Magee said. "They speak their minds, so you see bullying in the form of teasing, taunting, social isolation and name calling."

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimated that 30 percent of all children in grades six through 10 have been bullied or have bullied other children during a school year

(Excerpt) Read more at cnn.com ...


TOPICS: Education; Society
KEYWORDS: bully; bullying; education; psychology; school; schoolviolence
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To: Moose4; All
I dealt with the occasional bully as a kid...Nothing serious, but I never had the confidence to stand up to them. I regret that to this day.

Even though my oldest kid is not quite two years old, I wonder if it would be worthwhile to enroll him in some sort of martial arts program when he hits 5 or 6.

I'd welcome thoughts on this from others.

21 posted on 08/25/2008 8:57:30 AM PDT by opus86
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To: Moose4; Jeff Chandler; Freelance Warrior

IF YOU DON'T STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, WHO WILL?



How To Fight

December 20th, 2006

The summer I turned 6 years old, some of the neighborhood boys started bullying me. Back then, I owned a pair of cabbage patch kid roller-skates and my favorite activity was skating around the block singing nursery rhymes at the top of my lungs. One day, a few boys in the 8-10 range thought it would be pretty humorous to push me around and watch me flail. I tried to run from them, but I couldn’t skate faster than they could run. They taunted me for a while and then knocked me down. Angry, humiliated, and with two freshly skinned knees, I did what any 6 year old girl would do in my position.

I went home and told my Dad.

My Father was an ex marine and always preached the benefits of learning self defense. Unlike most parents, he had no interest in calling the parents of my bullies to ‘open up a dialogue’ or some other such tripe. Instead, he planned to teach me to kick a little ass.

My Mother balked at this idea. She didn’t think little girls should be fighting. Little girls were supposed to have tea parties and then play dress up. Fighting was for little boys.

“What if someday a vicious serial killer kidnaps her?” my Father asked, “Do you want her to die weeping and begging for her life? Or would you rather she have the courage to wrench the knife from the killer’s hand and stab him in the throat?”

He paused, mid tirade, and said to me, “If that ever happens, V, stab and twist. Stab and twist.”

With my Mother temporarily mollified, My Father took me into the back yard to teach me how to fight.

Nervously, I explained to my Father that not only was I outnumbered by the boys, but they were bigger and stronger than I was. There was no way that I could beat them. My Father merely brushed my fears aside. He said that while they had the advantage of size and strength on their side, I could develop my own advantages. Here are some tips that he gave me:

1. Always Respond to Threats with Complete Confidence
Sometimes all it takes to make a bully re-think pounding you into a pulp is to make it very clear to him exactly how unafraid you are of a physical confrontation. When a bully threatens you, he is trying to invoke in you some fear in which he can feed off of. If you respond to his threats with confidence, even eagerness, it will give him a pause. If he doesn’t chicken out right then and there, he will enter the fight with a slight feeling of unease. His apprehension is your advantage.

2. Fighting Dirty is Fighting Smart
A fist fight isn’t the same as a karate tournament with judges and points. Your opponent is trying to hurt you, so don’t let some silly moral argument prevent you from kicking the little bastard in the nuts. Throw sand in his eyes, kick him in the back of the knees, bite him, or punch him in the stomach hard enough to knock the wind out of him. If he’s got you pinned down and you happen to see a rock out of the corner of your eye? Don’t be afraid to grab that rock and smash his face with it. There is no shiny trophy waiting for you at the end of this fight, so everything goes.

3. Talk Some Shit
Nothing will rattle your opponent faster than you screaming a steady stream of shit at him while you’re engaged in combat. The crazier you sound the better. If you can’t think of anything tough to yell, yell nonsense like, “I’m going to eat your eyes!” If you can’t think of any nonsense to yell, just plain scream. The second your opponent suspects that you’re a freaking lunatic he’s going to get scared. Fear causes people to make mistakes.

4. When You Lose, Claim It Didn’t Hurt
Sometimes you’re just outmatched. But even losing a fight can be used to your advantage. When it’s over, feel free to spit blood in his face and tell him that it ‘didn’t hurt.’ Laugh when he walks away. You might have just gotten your ass kicked six ways from Sunday, but I guarantee you that anyone watching that fight will think twice about ever messing with you in the future. No one wants to fuck with the crazy kid who feels no pain.

Armed with my new tips and tricks, I laced up my skates and headed out to face the jungle that is childhood. When the boys confronted me again, I dared them to mess with me. One ballsy kid lunged towards me with the intent of pushing me down. Quickly, I kicked that kid squarely between the legs with my skate. He crumpled to the ground as I hysterically screamed at his friends, “I’LL EAT YOUR EYES! I’LL EAT ALL OF YOUR EYES!” Terrified, those boys got up and ran like Hell. I’ve never felt so empowered in my entire life.

In retrospect, I think my Father was just trying to teach me a little something about fear and courage. Back then, and even more so today, it became quite popular to advise your children to: Run. Hide. Look away. Go get someone bigger. Be afraid. As a result, modern children and adults alike are easily paralyzed by fear and have no idea how to defend themselves.

After reading certain articles on my website, I’ve even seen people comment, “What is she going to do if she says the wrong thing to the wrong person? She’s going to end up getting hurt or killed.”

I feel sorry for those people. So paralyzed by fear of what might happen, that they lack the courage to stand up for themselves or for someone weaker. I refuse to live my life afraid to say what I feel or do what is right because there might be some mysterious villain lurking in the shadows who is bigger and stronger. Better to be dead, than to live your life afraid.

Besides, I could just as easily spend my life acting meek and compliant only to still end up with a bullet in my head. However, because my Father taught me courage, it’s not likely that I’d go down without a fight. Who knows? I may even end up wrenching a knife from some psycho’s hands and stabbing him in the throat with it.

Of course, I’ll remember to stab and twist.

 

22 posted on 08/25/2008 8:57:47 AM PDT by Lady Jag (The trouble isn't that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn't distributed right)
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To: Moose4
"...How to help your child cope with a bully..."

Tell 'em what my father told me, and what I told my kids:
"Hit them in the nose as hard as you can, as many times as it takes to make them stop. If you get in trouble for it, I'll take the heat for you".

It worked for me on several occasions, and it worked for my kids as well.
23 posted on 08/25/2008 8:58:09 AM PDT by conservativeharleyguy (Obammunists: Millions fooled daily!!!)
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To: beebuster2000

Excellent, my same exact tactic!Also our stairs at school were rather steep,.......and loooonnnggggggggg.


24 posted on 08/25/2008 8:59:28 AM PDT by redstateconfidential (A man who lets his friends down, is no man at all.)
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To: NorCoGOP

I love that story.

I hope your son had a great time at the zoo and the amusement park, because he did do the right thing.


25 posted on 08/25/2008 9:00:19 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
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To: Moose4
The trouble is ... when we were the age for it to occur to us, we did not know how to deal with this situation

Who among us has not been marked and some of us seriously by devastating comments or actions while in the early year?.

Some things we carry with us and forms a bit of our responses/actions lifelong.

SERIOUS TRAUMA.

Pray God's protection over your children every day. Read the Bible with them, ‘Proverbs’ are great. There are 31 chapters in Proverbs. Much wisdom. and if you and your child read a chapter a day and repeat it everyday, month after month, for a year they will have a form hold on truth and some wisdom in how to think about life. They need our direction and example of relying on the Word of God for living.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6

26 posted on 08/25/2008 9:00:19 AM PDT by geologist (The only answer to the troubles of this life is Jesus. A decision we all must make.)
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To: Moose4

I agree. I got bullied pretty mercilessly up to the seventh grade. After that, I started to grow and they left me alone. I was a good target. I had the Birth Control black plastic glasses...you get the idea.

The last time a kid really bullied me, he was two years ahead of me, and would mess with me every single day. Just little things, never beating me up.

One day I got on the bus, and as I walked by him, he stuck out his foot and tripped me, all my stuff went flying everywhere.

Something just snapped in me, and I leaped on the kid and began swinging wildly in every direction. I think I connected once, maybe twice out of all the wild punches I threw, but he never bugged me again.

See...George W. Bush knows what he is doing...:)


27 posted on 08/25/2008 9:02:00 AM PDT by rlmorel (If they can call George "Dubya", we can call Barack "Hussein")
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To: Retired Greyhound

Exactly. A physically strong person just doesn’t need to bully anyone to show strength, it is evident to both others and to him.


28 posted on 08/25/2008 9:02:26 AM PDT by Freelance Warrior (A Russian.)
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To: Artemis Webb

My mom had the same problem with three girls bullying her. She caught them individually walking home on the same day, using her bike to do so, and beat the living crap out of them one fall afternoon in 1940.


29 posted on 08/25/2008 9:05:28 AM PDT by redstateconfidential (A man who lets his friends down, is no man at all.)
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To: Freelance Warrior

i wonder what role the decline in family size plays?
we had brothers when i was a kid. if you messed with one you messed with all. that was serious deterrence.


30 posted on 08/25/2008 9:06:54 AM PDT by beebuster2000
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To: geologist

Great advice. I love Proverbs


31 posted on 08/25/2008 9:08:35 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
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To: Jeff Chandler

Last year my daughter (16) was having trouble with a boy who insisted on inappriopriate touching. (Slapping her butt, groping her breasts, etc.)

I gave her several steps to follow and told her that if none of that worked, her family had her back.

1. She clearly told the boy that if he touched her again, she’d hurt him.

2. He touched her again, she broke his finger.

3. A couple of days later he slapped her on the butt. She beat the crap out of him in front of the whole class. (He thought it was funny and she got into trouble for “encouraging” him.)

4. She went to the principal and filed a formal complaint, making sure he was aware that her parents were observing the situation.

5. After two days, there was no change. She returned to the principal, asked what was being done to resolve the situation and demanded action within 48 hours or both her parents would be at the school for answers.

The kid was expelled.

Step 6 would’ve been daddy and mama marching into the school for blood.

At her age, I felt it was important for her to have the chance to resolve the situation on her own before she was “rescued”. Had she been younger, it would’ve been a different story. I’m really glad we handled it the way we did. She’s one heck of a lot more confident. No “victim mentality” in this house!

My son is a little guy and had a problem with a large bully last year. The kid finally crossed the line from words and shoving and caught my kid in the bathroom.

Surprise! My kid can fight! No more issues. Because there were other kids in the bathroom, all bullying problems stopped completely.


32 posted on 08/25/2008 9:09:27 AM PDT by Marie (Drill Here, Drill NOW!!!...................... and free laz!)
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To: Artemis Webb

Jesus never ran away from anyone or anything.


33 posted on 08/25/2008 9:10:33 AM PDT by ichabod1 (It's all fun and games until Russia starts invading Eastern Europe (pete))
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To: Retired Greyhound

Me too.


34 posted on 08/25/2008 9:10:44 AM PDT by geologist (The only answer to the troubles of this life is Jesus. A decision we all must make.)
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To: workerbee
She told her daughter, next time he does it, say in your loudest voice so everyone can hear you "Why do you keep bumping into me Johnny? Do you LIKE me or something? Do you have a CRUSH?" Daughter followed the advice and Bullying Johnny steered clear of her from then on.

That's a good one. And it works! :-)

35 posted on 08/25/2008 9:11:16 AM PDT by Marie (Drill Here, Drill NOW!!!...................... and free laz!)
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To: taxcontrol
My father taught us this....If you can't win pick up a rock or something. Do your best because if you come home & didn't put up a good fight you will get it from me. I learned to fight back & the bullying stopped. He said don't hit first or only hit if they get so close you have no other choice.

I learned not to get involved with the bully's parents when my now older sons were young. Usually the parents were bullies themselves & of course their little darling is never to blame. Most of the time after a fight my sons & the bully ended up getting along. I found the school was usually no help. I told my children if you are hit first then by all means defend yourself. That worked. I don't like fighting but sometimes there is no other way. Telling a child to walk away isn't going to stop the bullying.

36 posted on 08/25/2008 9:11:26 AM PDT by pandoraou812 (Don't play leapfrog with a unicorn! ...........^............)
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To: opus86

I put my two boys in Taekwondo at ages 5 and 8 to help them learn self-discipline, body control, and only marginally for self-defense. The progam they’re in reinforces values we teach at home (honor, courtesy, integrity, perseverance, community and self-control). Now, 5 1/2 years later, they’re both 3rd degree black belts, and believe me, their peers know it and respect it; so far no bullying directed at them in their public school. However, like the gunfighters on TV westerns, I anticipate a day when some bully tries their luck. We’ve also made it quite clear to the school administrators that should our kids be assaulted in school they have been given permission to defend themselves using all available means.


37 posted on 08/25/2008 9:12:01 AM PDT by Jim Hill
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To: LongElegantLegs

My daughter has speech problems, and didn’t talk until she was 5.

She had a kid bugging her at McDonald’s when she was 3. She kept on telling him “No”, and putting her hand up, but he kept on bugging her.

I just told him that she was telling him to stop bugging her, and then I warned him that if he kept on bugging her that she would probably bite or hit him, and I would do nothing about it.

He did stop, but I knew my daughter would defend herself if she needed to (she still known to bite and hit her brother and sister when they bug her).


38 posted on 08/25/2008 9:13:48 AM PDT by luckystarmom
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To: Jim Hill

that made me think of my son. he was also being bullied. we started to go hunting (he was 12). he shot a large boar, gutted it, it had an effect on him. i think seeing real life and death vs. juvenile bullying changed him for the better. the problem seemed to go away after that. i cant explain it.


39 posted on 08/25/2008 9:16:19 AM PDT by beebuster2000
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To: opus86
Yes, it is always good to have knowledge of protecting oneself. Make certain to teach and impress that it is not to used for bragging or impressing others, nor hurting them. Power without restraint is dangerous.

It is a good thing to be involved in as an activity (worthwhile) builds confidence, etc, My granddaughter took it and did well and was good at it until she was 16 or so; it is kinda like riding a bicycle, once you have the moves you respond in more effective ways.

40 posted on 08/25/2008 9:18:42 AM PDT by geologist (The only answer to the troubles of this life is Jesus. A decision we all must make.)
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