MORFORD: Totally Gay Happy Meals

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 7/11/8 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

It is the end of the nutball Christian right. Here is your proof. To go -

Hey, remember the angry evangelicals? The quivering clan of militant Christoholics who propelled Bush into office and seized the national narrative for a few terrifying moments about five years back, ran deep into the woods with it and rubbed it all over their naughty bits in a frenzy of fear and confusion and lust for all things homophobic and saccharine and spiritually denigrating?

Dying. Nearly dead. Gasping their last. Very soon to be a footnote, a caricature, a gag, a punch line, blasted to the dustbin of history like dried housefly limbs after a sneeze. You should know this now.

Yes, you are right; they already were a caricature, a cultural pothole, a nasty rash in the armpit of society. But it wasn't all that long ago that they were, through bizarre series of sociopolitical machinations still being parsed by baffled historians, a powerful rash, hugely newsworthy, as dangerous and unstoppable as they were wrongheaded and sad. Remember?

You were not much younger than you are right now. As the Bush era crested, as the neocons' power reached nuclear levels, when female nipples and f-words and evil gay agendas ruled the news, the evangelical Right -Ð led by the most virulent, spittle-flecked gaggle of mental throwbacks to ever stain the American newswires, the American Family Association and its nefarious leader, the Rev. Donald Wildmon -- this group controlled, for a brief, awful moment, the national dialogue. They were the temporary arbiters of taste, the warped conscience of a freaked-out culture. And lo, it was ugly.

Rejoice, won't you? For their time is over.

Did you know the AFA recently boycotted McDonald's? That's right, this once semi-powerful...

[Porterville]

That has got to be the gayest first paragraph I ever read.... was that Mr. Garrison’s gay novel he won the award for?

[Mad Dawg]

Is it just me, or does this guy not like us?

[GovernmentShrinker]

Why? Because this huge company “refuses to condemn” a mid-level manager for joining the board of a non-profit gay businesspeople’s organization, as a personal activity with no official connection to his employer? You’d better first check out the community activities of all the hundreds of mid-level managers at all the competitors you’re thinking of switching your McDonald’s business to. I guarantee that not one of them has ever publicly “condemned” an employee for affiliating with any community organization of any kind as long as it doesn’t promote illegal activities. You can be sure that they all have managers involved in gay organizations, pro-illegal immigrant organizations, anti-prayer in schools organizations and the whole gamut (along with organizations diametrically opposed to all of these).

[Old Professer]

He doesn’t write, he shreds a thesaurus, chops it up and then drags a strip of flypaper through the confetti; whatever sticks to the flypaper, he lines up on his desk and drops names in the appropriate places.

[Arrowhead1952]

Tell Mark Morford to google images of “the original happy meal” and he can start with the first result.

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=the+original+happy+meal&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2

[End Times Sentinel]

Mark?

My values created Western Civilization.

Your’s led to the Fall of Rome.

[Billthedrill]

Miss Morford is as confused as usual between the mundane realities of the real world and the spittle-throwing hysterics common to his fantasy land, wherein the usual Christian boogeymen compete for space under his bed with a guy named Bobo in a leather jockstrap and shackles. These mysterious Christian radicals were everwhere, dontcha know. They ruled the country. Really.

Underneath the layers of adjectives the gist of the story he's attempting to eructate appears to be the inefficacy of somebody or other's boycott on McDonalds and the cosmic implications thereof. Here the food is still "toxic," of course, still an evil mechanism for KKKorporate AmeriKKKa to enslave an innocent public, but hey, it's gay now so it's OK.

One has to wonder at this infinitely sliding set of values, the one constant among them apparently the inalienable right for Morford to sneer at everything that crosses his path. What a sorry, sordid, hate-filled little cell he's carved out for himself. He's welcome to it.

[trisham]

I feel sorry for this man’s family and those who must interact with him. He really needs help.

[Snurple]

I still like those best ;)

[Oatka]

He doesn’t write, he shreds a thesaurus, chops it up and then drags a strip of flypaper through the confetti; whatever sticks to the flypaper, he lines up on his desk and drops names in the appropriate places.

Indeed - and he forgot to begin with "It was a dark and stormy night."

[darkangel82]

I don’t care for Mcdonalds or most fast food but this the worst “writing” I’ve ever read. Of course in the SF Chronicle this is what passes for “professional journalism.”

[fwdude]

When California voters pass the marriage amendment this November, Morford will throw a hissy fit that will make this rant look mild. He will pass hateful judgement on all the “backwards, religious population” of CA, and all the other states that say no to homo-marriage.

[mdmathis6]

No, because the corporation from the top has openly advocated a lifestyle that is anti family and anti christian. They can live with the consequences!

[Category Four]

I should've signed on before Carlin passed away (may he RIP), but he said it right on the money about crazy people, of whom Markiepoo is Exhibit A, B, C, and all the rest.

"You can't put 'em all away. You know ya got to keep some of 'em around just fuh the en-ta-tainment."

In all seriousness (such as there can be when dealing with Morford), he's amusing in some way to see just how much a mind can collapse on itself.