Are Cats just Useless Dogs?

Conservapedia ^ | 6.26.08 | Conservapedia

[rface]

Difference between cats and dogs: Dogs think, "Wowee, these people feed me, play with me, give me toys, clean up my mess and make me very happy. They must be gods!" Cats think, "Wowee, these people feed me, play with me, give me toys, clean up my mess and make me very happy. I must be a god!"

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People who have cats really want a dog but haven't got the time to keep one. So they settle for a cat which is vastly inferior because you can't take it for walks, it wont bring anything back to you unless it killed it first, and it will never ever treat you with anything less than complete contempt.

It is well known, in fact that cats ARE dogs, in spite of what those silly, left-wing inspired dictionaries, naturalists, scientists, and pet owners claim. We at Conservapedia face an uphill battle undoing several centuries of leftwing brainwashing that attempts to sell the notion that these domesticated, four-legged mammal carnivores are different animals entirely, and as soon as I find some scientists and naturalists who agree with me, I'll be sure to post them as cites. Honest. Cross my heart and hope to die.

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People who have dogs are emotionally insecure individuals who need the validation of constant, interminable, unremitting, unconditional affection, affection, affection. That is why Walt Whitman wrote:

I think I could turn and live with cats, they are so placid and self-contain’d I stand and look at them long and long. They do not sweat and whine about their condition; They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins; Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago; Not one is respectable or industrious over the whole earth.

Also, dogs slobber.

Well, cats do, too, but at least cats have the courtesy to spread it thinly and discreetly all over their body in a dignified way, where it dries out and becomes invisible except for adding that subtle gloss to their coat.

Unlike our Newfoundland who flings great stringy arcs of slobber all over the house, leaving big dried strings of Newfie spittle on the couch, the television set, and as high as five feet up on our walls.

Cats have many uses of which I'll name just a few.

Cats can be: -Made into violin or racquet strings
-Eaten in fine foreign cuisine
-Taunted for amusement with yarn, feathers and the like
-Dropped upside-down from very high places, only to land rightside-up
-Made into effective scapegoats of superstitious belief
-Killed eight times and emerge unscathed
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From this short list, surely everyone can begin to see just how useful cats truly are!

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Cats are subtle, devious and very very egocentric. Cats treat humans as if they were other cats, whereas dogs attempt to become human. Cats will come to you to be stroked, but if you don't do it right, or they tire of you, you may find that you are suddenly grabbed by claws or teeth. It's what a cat would do to another cat (on friendly terms) to say 'ok, thats enough'. I have known cats to walk into a room, lie on a chair, and when asked to move pretend to be asleep, then behave as if they have been there for hours. Soem cats will even argue with you visibly and vocally. If you understand cat intelligence, you are in a world of subtlety, arrogance and individual need. It's like having the most determined and self-assured three year old imaginable.....

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[Joe 6-pack]

"Cats are just as tractable as dogs, the difference is the owners."

Having been raised with both, I have to disagree. Humans can imbue cats with habits (i.e. litter training, etc.) but don't have any drive that is satisfied by pleasing a master or alpha. To wit, I've never seen any canine agility competitions...

...schutzhund...

...or feline search and rescue...

Don't get me wrong...I'm not a cat hater, and I'm actually quite fascinated by their near perfection as hunters...but there are distinct differences 'tween dogs and cats, and trainability is definitely one of them.

[jaycee]

[boogerbear]

You don’t see canine agility competitions because that’s not the behavior most cat owners want out of their cats. But back when Penn and Teller had their variety show (Sin City) they had a guy on with trained house cats, they did kind of a monkey/ seal routine, walking tight ropes, modified bikes, that kind of stuff. And actually cat shows are starting to add obstacle course events (http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/15/training-cats-to-jump-through-hoops/ ). Cats CAN be taught all that kind of stuff, people just don’t do it.

Nobody would do schutzhund or search and rescue stuff with them because they’re too small and fragile.

Sorry but I’ve got 18 years of experience that says cats are just as trainable as dogs. You’re basically trying to say that what’s going to happen when I get home, cats doing what they’re told when they’re told, isn’t going to happen. It is going to happen, because they’ve been trained just like dogs, with techniques I learned participating in dog training. It can be done, it IS being done by people. But most cat owners don’t because they like cats for that perceived independence that’s really just lack of training, they like the pets to be in charge, a position any dog will take if you let them just as much as a cat will.

[Lucky9teen]

[Lucky9teen]

Hrmph ;)

[vietvet67]

lol

[Lady Jag]

[jaycee]

~~I have never been so tired~~

[Lucky9teen]

Simon's Cat

[jaycee]

I love that!

[jaycee]

That is a beautiful dog~~~~

[Lady Jag]

[jaycee]

A real cutie~~

[jaycee]

Awwwww~~~~~

[Sherman Logan]

My cats love to play fetch. One loves his catnip mice, the other his tinfoil balls.

And here I thought the proper accessory was a tinfoil hat.

[Lady Jag]

[TASMANIANRED]

I could love that little woofer.

[BykrBayb]

Is Morse the cat any relation to this guy?

I wonder if he's running this time. I might vote for him.

[Churchillspirit]

I am just happy my 2 cats allow me to live with them

We are both similarly blessed.

[Churchillspirit]

"I like pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals."

.....Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill.