Posted on 06/09/2008 9:23:11 AM PDT by BoneHead
Having an affair can help to save a struggling marriage, according to a new, controversial self-help book. Mira Kirshenbaum, who has over 30 years' experience as a marriage therapist, says the 'right kind' of affair can be a positive thing, acting to "jolt people from their inertia".
The author of When Good People Have Affairs, published this week, argues that because society has so far failed to have a sympathetic discussion of infidelity, the positive sides of cheating have been ignored.
However, she insists that most cheating spouses should never own up, because revealing the infidelity is more damaging than keeping quiet.
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
I’m hoping you’ve misplaced your /sarc tag. LOL
"That's the ticket!"
Just goes to show there's nothing new under the sun.
Yea Yea that’s the ticket! Bahhhahhh
My mother had a name for her -— SLUT.
And playing Russian Roulette with five chambers full can increase your life expectancy? (just using logical extrapolation)
An understatement.
With a Colt .44?
Truely confusing. Not going to take any problems to her
No, not suggesting a colt .44.
Seriously, if you are in a marriage where something is going on and your spouse comes to you with the issues and admits that they can’t take the issues any longer, and they have considered straying because of them... I think most people who are sane will understand the seriousness of the issues and if they value the marriage will be motivated to work to do something about them. (Yes, this is a fear factor).
The truth is, people are human, and make mistakes, and there are huge differences between the habitual adulterer and the person who makes a mistake. I am not defending either of them, but usually most situations I have seen where cheating have occured are not the serial adulterer, but the result of situations that don’t get addressed and fester.
The question I think boils down to, as a spouse do you have the integrety to harm the person you love sometimes with honesty in order to hopefully prevent greater harm down the road.. or are you going to sit quietly on issues, let them fester and then do something insanely stupid that is going to hurt them a whole lot worse? No guarantee that initial hurt will solve the problem, but at least its out there to be dealt with.. if it isn’t by one or the other party then you have to make a decision... but at least its a decision with the facts on the table. Most sadly are too cowardly to deal with issues... and then go do something stupid, in my experience.
Hey, honey, sorry I gave you genital herpes. I caught it to save our marriage, y'know?
Sheesh.
Having been a victim of infidelity myself, I can honestly say it’s the absolute most horrible thing you could ever do to another person. I’d never been so low in my entire life.
Yes, exactly. The applies to all types of human relationships.
In thinking about it further, I would say that it is not just the lying that ruins relationships, but the lame-sounding excuses that are offered by the offending party.
Whether a spouse catches someone red-handed with a bunch of phone IM messages, or a salesperson misses appointments, the excuses offered almost always will sound hollow or, even worse truly false, thus digging their hole even deeper and undermining the foundation of trust even further.
Feelgood lifestyle/relationship psychobabble, some of which might make horse sense. They’ve churned out a number of books. I believe this one is mainly to generate publicity & business.
Nothing about normalizing pedophelia so I guess it’s pretty lightweight.
Sorta like Eleanor and Franklin.
I assume it was implied. However, I have no doubt that’s exactly what she would like her book to accomplish. The problem is not the scummy behavior, it’s that you feel bad about the scummy behavior.
Stop feeling bad, no problem.
Hope you have good friends to help you along.
Just Damn!
You have a stronger stomach than I have. I saw psychobable and I ran away.
Joey and Chandlers apartment. Joey is trying to put back the sofa bed, and failing. Theres a knock at the door...
[Joey answers the door...]
Joey: Ma! What are you doin here?
Mrs.T: I came to give you this... (gives him a bag of groceries) And this... (clips him around the back of the head!)
Joey: Ow! Big ring!
Mrs.T: Why did you have to fill your fathers head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were. Theres chicken in there... put it away! For gods sake, Joey (Puts the sofa bed away with ease!). Really.
Joey: Hold on. You knew?
Mrs.T: Of course I knew. Your father is no James Bond! You should have heard some of his cover stories... "I sleeping over at my accountants"... I mean, what is that? Please...
Joey: So then, wha, how could you, I mean, how could you...
Mrs.T: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling. Always yelling. Nothing made him happy. Nothing made him happy. Nothing, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now hes happy. I mean, its nice, he has a hobby.
Joey: Ma, I dont mean to be disrespectful, but what the hell are you talking about? I, I mean, what about you?
Mrs.T: Me? Im fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, thered be no harm, and your father would look like Sting. And Ill tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, hes been so ashamed of himself, that hes been attentive, hes been more loving, its like every day is our anniversary.
Joey: Im happy for you?
Mrs.T: Well dont be! Because now everything is screwed up! I just want it the way it was.
Joey: Ma. Im sorry. I, I just did what I thought youd want.
Mrs.T: I know you did cookie, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?
Joey: Yeah. Youre ten times prettier than she is.
Mrs.T: Thats sweet. Could I take her?
Joey: With this ring? No contest!
I agree with the excuses part. I will also add that due to that aspect, I will take ownership of my errors that cause others pain and wholeheartedly apologize. Keep in mind that I wouldn’t purposely cause anyone pain, but I do so in error. You’re right, making excuses would only add to the pain I would already cause.
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