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Why having an affair could save your marriage.
Telegraph.co.uk ^ | 06/09/2008 | By Laura Clout

Posted on 06/09/2008 9:23:11 AM PDT by BoneHead

Having an affair can help to save a struggling marriage, according to a new, controversial self-help book. Mira Kirshenbaum, who has over 30 years' experience as a marriage therapist, says the 'right kind' of affair can be a positive thing, acting to "jolt people from their inertia".

The author of When Good People Have Affairs, published this week, argues that because society has so far failed to have a sympathetic discussion of infidelity, the positive sides of cheating have been ignored.

However, she insists that most cheating spouses should never own up, because revealing the infidelity is more damaging than keeping quiet.

(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...


TOPICS: Religion; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: adultery; affair; infidelity; marriage; moralabsolutes; stupid; trust; vows
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To: Sherman Logan

I’m hoping you’ve misplaced your /sarc tag. LOL


61 posted on 06/09/2008 11:00:14 AM PDT by BoneHead
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To: BoneHead
But honey, I did it to help our inert marriage - BTTT.

"That's the ticket!"

62 posted on 06/09/2008 11:04:38 AM PDT by OB1kNOb (ISLAM IS THE SPIRIT OF ANTICHRIST AND IS CONTROLLED BY SATAN AND HIS FALLEN COMRADES.)
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To: seowulf
Madam Bovary. A novel from the 1850's.

Just goes to show there's nothing new under the sun.

63 posted on 06/09/2008 11:05:39 AM PDT by BoneHead
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To: OB1kNOb

Yea Yea that’s the ticket! Bahhhahhh


64 posted on 06/09/2008 11:07:00 AM PDT by BoneHead
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To: avacado

My mother had a name for her -— SLUT.


65 posted on 06/09/2008 11:23:21 AM PDT by bmwcyle (If God wanted us to be Socialist, Karl Marx would have been born in America.)
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To: BoneHead
"Having an affair can help to save a struggling marriage"

And playing Russian Roulette with five chambers full can increase your life expectancy? (just using logical extrapolation)

66 posted on 06/09/2008 11:49:16 AM PDT by editor-surveyor (Jimmy Carter is the skidmark in the panties of American History)
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To: wideawake
"Truly Satanic"

An understatement.

67 posted on 06/09/2008 11:50:45 AM PDT by editor-surveyor (Jimmy Carter is the skidmark in the panties of American History)
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To: HamiltonJay
"but the fear of a spouse straying certainly can have positive motivational effects to resolve issues"

With a Colt .44?

68 posted on 06/09/2008 11:52:55 AM PDT by editor-surveyor (Jimmy Carter is the skidmark in the panties of American History)
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To: editor-surveyor
If you read through the article she says on the one hand it could act as a defibulator jump starting a marriage and on the other guilt can paralyze those who cheat.

Truely confusing. Not going to take any problems to her

69 posted on 06/09/2008 12:00:02 PM PDT by BoneHead
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To: editor-surveyor

No, not suggesting a colt .44.

Seriously, if you are in a marriage where something is going on and your spouse comes to you with the issues and admits that they can’t take the issues any longer, and they have considered straying because of them... I think most people who are sane will understand the seriousness of the issues and if they value the marriage will be motivated to work to do something about them. (Yes, this is a fear factor).

The truth is, people are human, and make mistakes, and there are huge differences between the habitual adulterer and the person who makes a mistake. I am not defending either of them, but usually most situations I have seen where cheating have occured are not the serial adulterer, but the result of situations that don’t get addressed and fester.

The question I think boils down to, as a spouse do you have the integrety to harm the person you love sometimes with honesty in order to hopefully prevent greater harm down the road.. or are you going to sit quietly on issues, let them fester and then do something insanely stupid that is going to hurt them a whole lot worse? No guarantee that initial hurt will solve the problem, but at least its out there to be dealt with.. if it isn’t by one or the other party then you have to make a decision... but at least its a decision with the facts on the table. Most sadly are too cowardly to deal with issues... and then go do something stupid, in my experience.


70 posted on 06/09/2008 12:02:16 PM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: wideawake
I completely agree. It's like saying murder can really spice up you life, get its old zest back.

Hey, honey, sorry I gave you genital herpes. I caught it to save our marriage, y'know?

Sheesh.

71 posted on 06/09/2008 12:25:08 PM PDT by Mad Dawg (Oh Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.)
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To: BoneHead

Having been a victim of infidelity myself, I can honestly say it’s the absolute most horrible thing you could ever do to another person. I’d never been so low in my entire life.


72 posted on 06/09/2008 1:36:37 PM PDT by stylecouncilor (I'm a loner Dottie; a rebel.)
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To: CSM

Yes, exactly. The applies to all types of human relationships.

In thinking about it further, I would say that it is not just the lying that ruins relationships, but the lame-sounding excuses that are offered by the offending party.

Whether a spouse catches someone red-handed with a bunch of phone IM messages, or a salesperson misses appointments, the excuses offered almost always will sound hollow or, even worse truly false, thus digging their hole even deeper and undermining the foundation of trust even further.


73 posted on 06/09/2008 2:29:02 PM PDT by Wiseghy ("You want to break this army? Then break your word to it.")
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To: BoneHead

Feelgood lifestyle/relationship psychobabble, some of which might make horse sense. They’ve churned out a number of books. I believe this one is mainly to generate publicity & business.

Nothing about normalizing pedophelia so I guess it’s pretty lightweight.


74 posted on 06/09/2008 2:38:31 PM PDT by sinanju
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Sorta like Eleanor and Franklin.


75 posted on 06/09/2008 2:39:20 PM PDT by sinanju
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To: BoneHead

I assume it was implied. However, I have no doubt that’s exactly what she would like her book to accomplish. The problem is not the scummy behavior, it’s that you feel bad about the scummy behavior.

Stop feeling bad, no problem.


76 posted on 06/09/2008 2:56:50 PM PDT by Sherman Logan (Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. - A. Lincoln)
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To: stylecouncilor
That sucks! Betrayed!

Hope you have good friends to help you along.

Just Damn!

77 posted on 06/09/2008 3:16:39 PM PDT by BoneHead
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To: sinanju

You have a stronger stomach than I have. I saw psychobable and I ran away.


78 posted on 06/09/2008 3:18:27 PM PDT by BoneHead
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To: BoneHead
From the Friends school of psychononsense:

Joey and Chandler’s apartment. Joey is trying to put back the sofa bed, and failing. There’s a knock at the door...

[Joey answers the door...]

Joey: Ma! What are you doin’ here?

Mrs.T: I came to give you this... (gives him a bag of groceries) And this... (clips him around the back of the head!)

Joey: Ow! Big ring!

Mrs.T: Why did you have to fill your father’s head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were. There’s chicken in there... put it away! For god’s sake, Joey (Puts the sofa bed away with ease!). Really.

Joey: Hold on. You knew?

Mrs.T: Of course I knew. Your father is no James Bond! You should have heard some of his cover stories... "I sleeping over at my accountants"... I mean, what is that? Please...

Joey: So then, wha, how could you, I mean, how could you...

Mrs.T: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling. Always yelling. Nothing made him happy. Nothing made him happy. Nothing, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he’s happy. I mean, it’s nice, he has a hobby.

Joey: Ma, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but what the hell are you talking about? I, I mean, what about you?

Mrs.T: Me? I’m fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there’d be no harm, and your father would look like Sting. And I’ll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he’s been so ashamed of himself, that he’s been attentive, he’s been more loving, it’s like every day is our anniversary.

Joey: I’m happy for you?

Mrs.T: Well don’t be! Because now everything is screwed up! I just want it the way it was.

Joey: Ma. I’m sorry. I, I just did what I thought you’d want.

Mrs.T: I know you did cookie, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?

Joey: Yeah. You’re ten times prettier than she is.

Mrs.T: That’s sweet. Could I take her?

Joey: With this ring? No contest!

79 posted on 06/09/2008 5:00:58 PM PDT by naturalized ("The time has come," He said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!")
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To: Wiseghy

I agree with the excuses part. I will also add that due to that aspect, I will take ownership of my errors that cause others pain and wholeheartedly apologize. Keep in mind that I wouldn’t purposely cause anyone pain, but I do so in error. You’re right, making excuses would only add to the pain I would already cause.


80 posted on 06/10/2008 5:56:29 AM PDT by CSM (Hey if a small tax increase didn't work, a bigger tax increase should not work even BETTER!)
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