10 Best Things About Booze

www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com ^ | April, 2008 | Frank Kelly Rich

[dynachrome]

"I'ts not just for breakfast anymore"

[lesser_satan]

MDM is a fine publication.

Bump for great justice.

[Billthedrill]

“The secret of drunkenness is that it insulates us in thought, whilst it unites us in feeling.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

That's actually pretty good. And it explains rock 'n' roll.

[PurVirgo]

from the article:

“It is most absurdly said that a man is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.”

—Thomas de Quincy

I've always said that alcohol IS the ultimate truth serum :)

[Interesting Times]

Hangovers make drunks a tougher breed of character. The hangover is the mean older brother who toughens you up and teaches you how to fight back. Don’t believe me? Tell you what—you gather the gang from Starbucks and I’ll assemble the boys from Kelly’s Pub and we’ll meet in the parking lot. The caffeine crowd won’t even manage to throw a punch, they’ll be too busy texting the cops: OMG! DRNKS TACKNG US! HLP!

That cracked me up.

[Grizzled Bear]

Without booze no one would ever wake up and wonder, “where the hell are my undergarments?”

[Revolting cat!]

Without booze, there’d be no sex, and the Church Ladies who swarm the threads here about female teachers introducing their teenage boy students to the wonders of life, those Church Ladies would be all enjoying paradise on earth!

[SC Swamp Fox]

Me thinks this thread will be a keeper. Even better if someone provides links to naughty teachers...or naughty church ladies.

[nomorelurker]

Cracked me up too. dyna thanks for the funniest thing around here in a long time. Of course good comedy always has to start with a grain of truth.

[wastedyears]

On the sidewalk of 42nd Street two blocks away from Grand Central Station.

No I’m not happy about it.

[Revolting cat!]

Has the bottle ever let me down?
(Rhetorical question!)

[Allegra]

I kind of dig this one:

In a world where there is a law against people ever showing their emotions, or ever releasing themselves from the grayness of their days, a drink is not a social tool. It is a thing you need in order to live.”
-Jimmy Breslin

[Revolting cat!]

I’m waiting for those links...

[AGreatPer]

"Without booze no one would ever wake up and wonder, “where the hell are my undergarments?”"

I found out I had a rental car after six months. True story.

[aft_lizard]

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here’s how it went:

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

[Thrownatbirth]

"Never trust a man who doesn't drink alone."

- My Mom

[Revolting cat!]

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." – Catherine Zandonella

[Revolting cat!]

"I drink to make other people interesting." --George Jean Nathan

[Rome2000]

1. It shines a light in the darkness.

2. It inflames the imagination.

3. It unites the tribe.

4. It makes you more human.

5. It’s a sure path to adventure.

6. It’s a fool-proof escape plan.

7. It makes you pay.

8. It imparts self awareness.

9. It allows you to believe you are a better person than you ever imagined you were.

10. It brings the joy.

[eyedigress]

"never trust a man who doesn't drink"

My first radar mentor when I was 20