[Lucky9teen]

---

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But...
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money
, and doesn't appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place,
you either married it or gave birth to it.

Either of which is probably tax deductible.

  The Official Friday Silliness Thread

~ Click here to be added or taken off the list ~

Tax Day is comin' up....have you done YOUR taxes yet?

Well forget about it...and come and play today...

[RioSmith]

Top 1,000!!

[Red Badger]

There are three words that a man can use to stop any argument with his wife.

“You are right”...........

[Rightly Biased]

Present

[ShadowAce]

WooHoo!!

[Hoodat]

Every night, ten men met at a restaurant for dinner. At the end of the meal, the bill would arrive. They owed $100 for the food that they shared. Every night they lined up in the same order at the cash register. The first four men paid nothing at all. The fifth, though he grumbled about the unfairness of the situation, paid $1. The sixth man, feeling generous, paid $3. The next three men paid $7, $12, and $18, respectively. The last man was required to pay the remaining balance of $59.

The ten men were quite settled into their routine when the restaurant threw them into chaos. It announced that it was cutting its prices: Now it would charge only $80 for dinner for the ten men. This reduction wouldn't affect the first four men — they would continue to eat for free. The fifth person decided to forgo his $1 contribution to the pool, and the sixth contributed $2. The seventh man deducted $2 from his usual payment and now paid $5. The eighth man paid $9, the ninth, $12, leaving the last man with a bill of $52. Outside of the restaurant, the men compared their savings, and angry outbursts began to erupt. The sixth man yelled, "I got only $1 out of the total reduction of $20, and he" — pointing to the last man — "got $7." The fifth man joined in the protest. "Yeah! I got only $1 too. It is unfair that he got seven times more than me." The seventh man cried, "Why should he get a $7 reduction when I got only $2?" The first four men followed the lead of the others: "We didn't get any of the $20 reduction. Where is our share?"

The nine men formed an outraged mob, surrounding the tenth man. The nine angry men carried the tenth man up to the top of a hill and lynched him. The next night, the nine remaining men met at the restaurant for dinner. But when the bill came, there was no one to pay it.

[Rightly Biased]

Dear Abby,

I am a 60-year-old woman who is married to a man who acts like he hates me. In public, he pretends he loves me and talks about how wonderful I am. But in private, he shakes his finger in my face and calls me the ‘B’ word. He constantly tells me how ugly I am without make-up. I’ve tried everything, including a face-lift, botox treatments, and a chin tuck. I even went on a diet and lost 20 pounds.

He quit his job a few years ago after having an affair with a woman in his office. He hasn’t even looked for another job. We haven’t slept together since I confronted him about the affair. He denied it, of course, but everybody knew it. It was humiliating. I believe he is still messing around.

While we both want to sell this house, we argue constantly about when to put it on the market. The house we want will be available in a few months. My husband wants to put our house on the market now. I think we should wait a while. He has already started collecting boxes and packing up his stuff. Do you think he is planning to leave me?

Signed,
Worried in NY

Dear Worried in NY:

I doubt it. He wants to move back into the White House as much as you do.

[Rightly Biased]

On a transatlantic flight,

A plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is

awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is

struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too

young to die,” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m

going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be

memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me

feel like a WOMAN?”

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten

their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate

woman in the front of the plane.

Then a cowboy from Montana stands up in the rear of the

plane. He is handsome: tall, well built, with dark brown

hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle,

unbuttoning his shirt.

One button at a time........ No one

moves................. He removes his shirt................

Muscles ripple across his chest.......... She

gasps............... He whispers................

“Iron this...then get me a beer.”

[weegee]

Can't go wrong with a thread titled: Friday Fun: "The 10 biggest movie explosions"

[rock_lobsta]

Hiya 'teen! Thanx for the Ping!

[Ciexyz]

Taxes done - haven't braved the PO to mail it yet (sigh).

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Don't be silly. I'd surf FR, of course!