As she is being laid to rest...speaking of livid. All things rape pretty much flew out the window when murder was added to the pot.
I’m sure Maria never imagined it would come to this. I can all too easily imagine being young, having an ‘alleged’ rape happen, and letting it go.
It is a common occurrence everywhere, NOT just in the military. And not reporting it, of course is quite common. There are many factors involved, both in and out of the military (though there are more involved in the military). The first issue is guilt and looking back at the incident to see what you, as the woman, might have done to found yourself in that position. Usually it’s something that revolves around trusting that individual just a tad too much. And yes, I speak from the experience of having had this happen by a co-worker, and no, I never reported it to authorities. Why? I had no proof that I was not a willing partner.
And then, later, after the shock wears off, wondering about a pregnancy. That’s when I went to my Mom. I remember sitting at the kitchen table, shaking and trembling, telling her about it. She took me to our family doctor immediately so we would know if I was pregnant or not. I don’t remember much about the visit. I don’t remember discussing the incident there. He’d known me from birth, and I loved him. I don’t even remember discussing the incident with him.
I was so stunned, maybe PTSD is a good explanation, that I never thought about pregnancy for days, easily a week or two. I’m grateful I was drugged and don’t remember much of it or the exact head count - I remember how many there were before I passed out.
I don’t think about this often. Never wanted to. Still don’t. There were three and almost four incidents AFTER that that I only ‘escaped’ by the Grace of God - with different folks and I knew every damn one of them. Of those five incidents, three were groups of guys. It wasn’t random. They weren’t ‘bad’ people. And I damn sure wasn’t a bad girl. Two of the guys are likely in politics today. Two of the incidents occurred at Frat parties. One was after an office party with co-workers, and two were in my own home!!! Of the two in my own home, my Dad coming home saved me, but even he had suspicions that I was a willing participant. I was young, embarrassed beyond belief, and I didn’t want Dad tried for murder so I let it go that night. I waited until the boy was back in Europe before I told him the truth, and spent years after assuring him it wasn’t so, that I was so thankful he came home when he did. The other was in my own apartment and short of hitting the SOB with a candlestick and killing him, could only keep slamming my foot on the floor to get my downstairs neighbor while being pinned on the sofa by a football AND wrestling standout. It was enough, thank God, even though the neighbor wasn’t home.
One of the ‘almosts’, though, was later expelled from college, for a gang rape. This was someone I’d known most of my life. He wasn’t a ‘bad boy’! (NONE of them were!) I’d known him most of my life!!!!!! How does one report an “almost”. And do you know what that SOB did? After his ex-wife, who had been a very sweet, sunny girl, died from an overdose (read “suicide”).... he married the daughter of an LEO.
The only thing I could really do (aside from wearing a burlap bag and having bad hair : ) was make sure everyone I knew, who knew these people- knew the truth about them. Some of it was made known publicly, face-to-face.
There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
My and these guys’ circles of friends intertwined. NO ONE in my circle would have given a second thought toward any of these guys acting like this. I don’t know if any of them ever believed me.
I was even given an award by a group of friends for one of the incidents-for being able to entice the snake out and then my ability to get it back in the basket. How’s that for a slap in the face. I was scared, and didn’t do a damn thing to entice that snake. They didn’t get it. I got out of it only by the grace of God, and because I was able to think quickly.
I usually just shove all of this to the bottom of the drawer and pull it out only to educate the young women in my life, to make them aware of the need to be aware and self-protecting.
One can be surrounded by family and friends, and still find herself alone.
I rarely put them all together like this. What the f would be the point.
I’m one of many, that I know. I don’t dwell on it. Can’t change it. Can’t make people believe me. Shit happened, I lived through it, I’m grateful for the good things, I do my best to help others avoid the same.
But I won’t ever forget.
Rant over. Thanks for letting me spill my guts. I’m out for awhile, got a jillion things to do.