If Liberals Wrote Christmas Stories

The Surfing Conservative ^ | 12/24/2007 | Left Coast Conservative

[Left Coast Republican]

Here's what Christmas stories would look like if liberals wrote them:

- "Rudolph the Red-Nosed and Environmentally Friendly Reindeer": In this "holiday" treat, Rudolph and Henry the Transgender Elf overcome rejection for their differences and lead Santa and his team of organically-fed reindeer as they fly around in their hybrid-powered sleigh, delivering nonviolent holiday toys—assembled by Santa's multicultural and unionized crew of elves—to boys and girls around the world without regard to children's naughty/nice status, since "good" is culturally dependent.

- "A Charlie Brown Holiday": Charlie Brown is tasked with directing the play for his school's Winter Season celebration. When Charlie fails miserably at picking out a proper holiday tree, Linus hops onto the stage to try to cheer him up with a moving monologue about the true meaning of Christmas. But once Linus mentions angels appearing before shepherds in the fields announcing the birth of the Savior in Bethlehem, he is suspended by the faculty for imposing Christianity upon his classmates. Despondent, Charlie Brown returns home and finds that Snoopy's holiday light display has won the neighborhood's Season of Lights contest. In the end, Charlie Brown's pals show up and help decorate his holiday tree, and cheering him up with a rousing chorus of nonoffensive holiday songs bereft of references to Christ or Christmas.

- "Al Gore's Frosty the Snowman": In this timeless classic, Frosty the Snowman appears to the delight of neighborhood children during the holiday season, but melts on Christmas Day due to global warming. The global warming leads to rising sea levels and the dilution of the oceans' salinity produces massive storms across the globe, thrusting the world into another Ice Age...and then Frosty the Snowman reappears to chide the children, as they flee to safety in Mexico, about their parents' polluting ways.

- "Miracle on Ceasar Chavez Street": A heart-warming tale about how a family of illegal aliens in San Francisco get their Christmas wish for amnesty.

- "How the Grinch Stole Ramadan": The intractably evil George W. Grinch is fed up with Ramadan and decides to stop the Whos in Whosistan from celebrating Ramadan. On the eve of Ramadan, he descends upon Whosistan and rounds up Who women and children and locks them up in his cave. He torments them with his dog and forces them to watch as he flushes the Koran down the toilet. But after "freedom fighters" of the Islamic Army of Whosistan—led by the heroic patriot Whosama bin Laden—martyr themselves in "peace bombings" that kill several members of the Grinch's family, the Grinch realizes that he is wrong and sets the women and children free on the final day of Ramadan. Starring Tim Robbins as Whosama Bin Laden. Directed by Brian DePalma and produced by Mark Cuban.

[arderkrag]

A Christmas Carol: Scrooge goes into politics, campaigns for even larger government poorhouses to help the “less fortunate”.

[PROCON]

Great read!!

he is suspended by the faculty for imposing Christianity upon his classmates.

ROFLOL!!

[PROCON]

Oh, BTW,

Welcome to Free Republic!!

[VOA]

bump

[scrabblehack]

I heard one on Johnny Carson many years ago:

The Madelyn Murray O’Hair Christmas Special: Three Wise Men come from the East and find nothing.

[G8 Diplomat]

I like “How the Grinch Stole Ramadan.” Hilarious! “Whosama bin Laden”...LOL

[G8 Diplomat]

Three Wise Men come from the East and find nothing.

Actually, in a liberal's world, three unwise men would go east and arrive in Mecca.